He gonna take you to the rim

(Wed 21st Mar 2007, 10:23, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

Pooing outside; not advised!
When I was wee ginger lad I used to play in the field next to my estate with my next door neighbours who were a couple of years older. On a few occasions my mum would use this opportunity to do the weekly shop so she wouldn't have take me. She used it as a kind of free babysitting service I suppose.

So...... this one particular night when she was out shopping and I was in the field the inevitable happened, a shit storm started brewing in my stomach. I was still to young to have my own house key and the older lads wouldn't let me in their house to relieve the turd tension in my tummy because they said "shitting outside would turn me into a man". To my young naive mind this made sense and with time running out before I exploded I headed behind the hedge.

I found my spot but it wasn't as private as I would have liked so I only pulled my trousers a quarter of the way down, so when I assumed the shitting position my front bits would still be concealed but my arse was free to empty its load. The perfect crime I thought. However, I overlooked the involuntary pissing factor in the shitting process! So while pooing I managed to piss myself. My mates thought this was the funniest thing ever, and still tell the story of how King Eric went for poo and managed to piss himself to this day.
(Wed 2nd Apr 2008, 15:07, More)

» Spoooky Coincidence

Coincidence you say.......
......my mother gave birth to me.

Of all the holes, in all the world, I had to come out of hers.
(Fri 9th Feb 2007, 0:05, More)

» Other people's diaries

Best friends are shite at being friends!
Me and the ex misses had been going out for 3 years until the inevitable split. Due to circumstances (contracted to stay in a house share) we had to live together.
All was going well until she started to go out, which was fine. The curious part was that every time she was out my best mate was impossible to get hold of. At first I put it down to coincidence. I kidded myself for a month before I asked them about it, when I was told not to be stupid and they would never do that.
But it kept happening, so one day I gained "access" to her email account. Where I found what I expected. Emails detailing everything that had happened during and after we were going out.
I didn't say that I knew. But every time I went on the lash ,while still in the house share, on the way home I would stop at his house. Where I few stones at his windows (until i smashed one), stole his clothes that were drying and put them on the road, write various swear words
on his patio and pull up his flowers and plants.
However petty my acts were im still not sorry.......or ashamed.
(Sat 3rd Feb 2007, 9:32, More)

» Insults

Monkey Hangers
This wiki article is you all you need know.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_Hangers
It's now my choice insult.
(Thu 11th Oct 2007, 10:41, More)

» Personal Hygiene

My ex-housemate
was very smelly indeed.
His smell was musty and disgusting.
He never cleaned up after himself.

The End
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 16:55, More)