» I Quit!

Tannoy
Ooh, I like this one, because I actually have something funny to post.

When I decided to leave my job shelf stacking in a local 'hypermarket', I went up to my boss (who hated me) and said "I've decided to quit, but I'm prepared to work my notice", he said "no, just go now, I don't need you", even though I was the most experienced member of staff there and he would have to lock up with only two trainees to help.

I didn't like his tone, so I went and got my things, went into the office and got on the tannoy. "This is a staff announcement, Mr. Smith can stick his job up his fat arse. Have a nice day, customers!"

Turns out Mr. Smith has a reputation for being a bastard, so I walked out of my job to a round of applause from all the local old biddies!

Needless to say, I've never asked him for a reference...
(Thu 22nd May 2008, 23:32, More)

» Pet Stories

Expensive cat
When I was younger, my mother had a mid-life crisis and bought a £450 Bengal cat.
He was really nice looking, with satiny fur - but £450!?
Anyway, we brought him home, but it was at an unfortunate time when out dog was having a phantom pregnancy, so she suckled him for about a month - but we weren't worried, as she'd done it with our other cat when we got it too.
Until the cat started jumping up at people when they came through the door, licking peoples faces, miaowing when the doorbell went and following the dog on walks. My mum even bought him a cat harness and lead, which he loved.

The dog and cat are both still alive, and he's a proper killer. My mum frequently has to take out pigeons, rats, mice, voles and various small birds - I think his record was 4 birds in one day. Recently, when I was visiting my mum, he brought in a mouse with the mouse trap still attached - cheat! And when I lived at home, he brought in a coi carp. I can't fathom HOW he did it... fishing in a pond? Did it jump out? It was a huge one too, one of those expensive ones.

Crazy.

Length? He's been done.
(Sun 10th Jun 2007, 0:21, More)

» Phobias

Amputees
For as long as I can remember, I've had an irrational fear of amputees.

Apparently it has a name - apotemnophobia.

I just can't stand to be around people who have arms/legs etc missing - my worst fear is me or one of my immediate family having to get something amputated. I've told all my close friends that if I'm in an accident and end up losing a limb and on a life support machine, I want it turned off. They also all know that if they ever had an amputation, I couldn't be their friend anymore.

At work, I had to serve a customer with one leg, and I completely froze, and just turned to my colleague and said "Rebecca, can you deal with this?!" and went off to gag in a fitting room.

I also hate being touched by foam - the only time I can bear it is if I'm wearing washing-up gloves and I'm cleaning the kitchen with a sponge.

Also, whenever I look at a kerb I imagine biting into it and breaking all my teeth.
(Sat 12th Apr 2008, 2:12, More)

» Work Experience

Worked at a primary school
Did the whole classroom assistant thing, but the teacher was a bitch and kept patronising me so I told the kids she hated them. Luckily she shared the job with another teacher who was lovely, and I told them on the last day she was teaching them.

It was fun to watch them all strop at her for an hour though, without getting found out. Plus, the nice teacher gave me a glowing report to take back to my school.

Oh, I also told the kids that if you fail your GCSEs, they make you do secondary school again, which amused me.

*pop* my vag is bleeding.
(Tue 15th May 2007, 17:23, More)