» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

Mobile Repairs
Perhaps the best advice I can give you that I've learnt from working in a mobile phone repair shop is this: if you have any homemade filth on your phone, remove it from your handset before taking it in. That is, unless you don't mind deviant phone engineers watching your wife pleasure herself.

I've mentioned this particular example before, but it bears repeating. This chap bought his phone in, because it wouldn't turn on. Our engineer instinctively opened the phone up and checked for liquid damage, which there appeared to be a significant amount of. So, following a swift clean-up, the phone was back in working order.

Our engineer also instinctively checked to see if there was any pornographic videos on the phone that he could add to his collection. To his delight, he saw a close-up of a nice, juicy twat getting shafted by a bright white dildo. The action was rather boring, until the very end, when the woman jizzed everywhere, at which point she told the cameraman, "it's gone on your phone," so obviously the camera was actually a cameraphone. Then, a curiously familar voice replied, "don't matter, carry on..."

Need I go on? On further inspection, his wife's twat wasn't that juicy. In fact, it was rather mouldy.

*shrugs*
(Thu 27th Sep 2007, 12:40, More)

» Other people's diaries

Mobile Phone Repair
I work in a mobile phone shop, and we had this guy bring in his camera phone for repair. It wasn't powering on due to "water damage". We managed to clear it up and, naturally, checked out the videos.

We then saw what we thought was a cheap porn video. Turns out it was him filming his missus playing with herself. When she finally came, she shot her load right on the phone. She even said the words, "it's gone on your phone," to which the deviant customer replied, "don't matter... carry on..."

So, yes. It smelt like lady juice. And that's what fucked your phone up, pal. Not "water".
(Mon 5th Feb 2007, 13:53, More)

» Customers from Hell

Retard with a phone
I won't go too in depth as the way the conversation went speaks for itself. A customer brought his mobile phone in for repair, so I asked,

"Has it been wet, at all, as this voids the warranty with us?"

"No, I don't think it has."

"Only, we charge a £10 labour fee if we find liquid damage."

"I think my son dropped it in the swimming pool, because I bollocked him after he did it."

Yeah. That last sentence didn't make a tiny bit of sense to me, either. I was dying to say, "you THINK he dropped it BECAUSE you bollocked him AFTER he did it? Do you THINK you could die BECAUSE you're a lying retard, which I realised AFTER you opened your gob?"
(Fri 5th Sep 2008, 23:32, More)

» Dumb things you've done

This is royally stupid
When I was on the phone to my mum on New Years, I wished her "many happy returns!" -- what a twat!
(Thu 3rd Jan 2008, 10:57, More)

» Abusing freebies

Advantage at Airport
Myself and three mates were at an airport, waiting until it was time to board, and so we naturally got sloshed at the airport boozer. Luckily, we passed some foreign bloke on a stall giving out weird-flavoured Jack Daniels shots, such as coke flavour (that's actually the only one I remember). Once the shot had settled, we tried our luck again and got another round of shots for nothing. Then, we swapped jackets, and once again he served us. By that point, we realised the bloke couldn't really give a toss, so just formed a 4-man queue and repeatedly joined the back of it after downing our shot.

After three goes at it each, he stopped serving us, for some reason.
(Sat 10th Nov 2007, 14:39, More)