b3ta.com user CptFantastic
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for CptFantastic:
Profile Info:

Young, attractive male seeks outgoing female GSOH for...

I'm a student, need you know more?

More to come when I have something else.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Gambling

Wacko-Jacko CHAMONE
My local coffee shop has been the source of much entertainment (and since I quit uni, employment) since it opened just over two years ago.

A small amount of background here, around January last year there was a competition between the regulars involving drinks stamps (i.e. you got a stamp every time you bought a drink, buy 9 get the 10th free etc) and the person with the most stamps at the end of the month won a £20 voucher for the shop. Here's the story of the most ridiculous thing I did to get just one stamp...

The normal challenges had all been done, like necking a cap-full of 1 million Scoville chilli sauce, asking the random girl who walked past every day inside for a drink (I got a 'Rejection' stamp for that one...), but this was by far the funniest and most outlandish: The Wacko-Jacko Chamone challenge.

The town in which the coffee shop is located (PeliDeli in Matlock, Derbyshire if you're wondering) centres around a large square with four corners of pavements connected by traffic lights, quite a distance really. The challenge was for somebody to do the moonwalk around the entire square, throwing in crotch-grabbing moves, hands in the air and "tee-hee!"s at entirely random moments, all the while listening to Michael Jackson on an iPod.

I did this one sunny January afternoon, got the stamp, plenty of funny looks and a video a complete stranger took including his classic commentary of "Is that guy on crack?!".

I didn't even win the £20 voucher for fuck's sake!
(Mon 11th May 2009, 19:38, More)

» Shoplifting

Not lifting per se
I was in a store of a major chain of clothing brand (rhymes with Liver Thailand) near my home town in the midst of the 'January' sales towards the end of December when I noticed that this man-bag I had been eyeing up for months now was on sale, and there was only one of them left.

'Great!' I thought, and so I trotted to the tills like a pig on E, my man-bag and some very nice shirts grasped firmly in my eager hands and gave the required amount of cash to the nice-looking (I recall) woman behind the counter.

Mother Fantastic duly takes me home, and I decide to investigate the full spec of my new man bag. I opened it, drooling with anticipation, took out all of the useless plastic and paper and while rooting around the bottom of the bag, looking for secret compartments, my hand falls upon something. I pull this small leather square out and examine it...

Jimi Hendrix motif wallet, complete with "SALE! ONLY £7!" tag. 'Free wallet!!' I exclaim, and proceed to force all manner of crap inside this shiny new wallet from my old one without a thought of taking my swag back - it is a 10 mile round trip after all!

[Insert Length Here]
(Fri 11th Jan 2008, 18:15, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

Manchester University
sent me a letter which, to all intents and purposes, read "Here have a thousand quid".

As a lazy alcoholic student who will more than likely piss the money away on beer and DVDs, I can't complain.
(Mon 6th Oct 2008, 14:28, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

A tad harsh...
...but funny anyway.

There is this girl in the year below me at school named Samantha, who we all know to be at least sub-standard in the thinking department, who gets on my bus, or at least used to, I don't quite know what's happened to her.

Anyway, to provide ourselves with entertainment on the way to school, we naturally had to turn to the less able. In a period of 2 years, we have managed to get her to say the most foul phrases we can think of ("go on Sam, say 'dirty fucking minge'" and that was one of the tame ones), get her to talk about her 'pussy' in such an oblivious way which Miss Slocombe would be proud of, and also get her to do impressions of common farm yard animals (her horse whinny was particularly recommended), while us cruel, delectable schoolboy bastards laughed our arses off all the way to school.

Do I need to mention that this girl is the ugliest thing I have ever seen? Sporting bright ginger hair with the worst cut in the world, fat, ill-fitting clothes and a face like a monged out pug. Although I'm safe in the knowledge that she'll leave this August with a youth award applied GCSE and excellent references to the nearest council estate.

Apologies for length? It's only that big but the missus loves it that fat.
(Tue 23rd Jan 2007, 20:44, More)

» The Boss

To be honest...
I'm currently enjoying a four week paid holiday in Malaysia with no qualms.

My boss is great.

*Sits back and waits for flamage*
(Thu 25th Jun 2009, 9:48, More)
[read all their answers]