b3ta.com user babyjak
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» Pet Stories

cow thief
on the phone to my friend one day when he suddenly exclaims ' holy f*ck theres a cow making off with my washing'!

his mums garden is next to a field, the residents of which had 'broken' into his garden and plodded through the washing line which was full of nice clean clothes.
took him quite a while to chase down the feckers and get his not so shiney whites back!
(Wed 13th Jun 2007, 0:35, More)

» Call Centres

if you have ever walked head first into a lamp post?
(Thu 10th Sep 2009, 13:57, More)

» Mobile phone disasters

"STORM! its the bee's knees!"
you want to get yourself a blackberry mate!

you what mate?.. battery doesn't last a day?, the screen takes two days to flip between landscape and profile?, it spells in american despite being told not to? camera has a delay of 24 hours? ....shite apple rip off? never!

fuck socks! if only i had been told that before i signed up to a two year fecking contract!

length? ..only 20 months to go.....
(Sun 2nd Aug 2009, 2:15, More)

» Bullies

There was one older kid who used to bully me at school. He was 3 years older than me and fancied himself as a bit of a hero. Im not going to bother going into details as its all the usual stuff - punching, stealing, name calling etc.

Fast forward 10 years and back home drinking with some old school mates in a local pub. Everyone is having a jolly old time when i feel the seal about to burst so off i toddle for a slash. I find the toilets and lo and behold they are completely empty - i have the whole urnial to myself.. i am king of the urinal.. result!

This brief moment of triumph is trashed when the door opens behind me and who stumbles in to the toilet? yup you guessed it folks - its our hero! He recognises me but cant recall my name... "i know you" he slurs. "Fucksocks" thinks I. He asks my name and i promptly tell him to fuck off under no uncertain terms. Luckily, I dont have to put up with this thimble dicked wanker for any longer than that brief exchange as my bladder has been emptied ready for more amber nectar and he has only just started... or so i think. He tries to grab me with his one free hand as i leave but i brush him off and tell him to go suck his own cock, or words to that effect. Rather than finish the job at hand, as most people would see fit to do, he only turns mid flow and fucking follows me out the door with his cock still spraying piss everywhere. I only realise as he grabs me a second time and turn to see his winkle pissing down his leg.

I look at this pathetic excuse of a man and almost take pity on him. Im twice the size of him now and easily the more sober, but he is persistent. I go to walk away but he obviously still fancies his chances as he tries to pull me into the adjacent disabled toilet. Monkey baws puts his whole weight into pulling me in with the intention of giving me a battering when I simply break his grip on my jacket and he flies arse over tit in himself.... straight over the toilet ands ends up unceremoniously wedged between the crapper and the wall.

Its a sweet revenge seeing a bully stuck in a toilet with his knock off timberland boots waving helplessly in the air. Its even sweeter when you have a camera phone to hand.

Bullies? .. pah.. I flush em!
(Sat 16th May 2009, 11:42, More)

» Stalked

i agree
this QOTW is shite

(Thu 31st Jan 2008, 23:18, More)
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