b3ta.com user Fnooklemop
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» When were you last really scared?

Why I need to sleep earlier.
Watched a documentary about Jack the Ripper late at night/early in the morning, meaning I got to stare at mutilated women until 1:00.

Went to bed in my now dead silent, pitch-black house.

Just as I'm falling asleep, the fucking cat decides it's the perfect time to throw itself at me, land on my chest, and start frantically chewing me.

I think they heard the scream in India.
(Fri 23rd Feb 2007, 1:27, More)

» Personal Hygiene

Possibly one of the most disgusting things to happen to me...
Despite the fact that I'd repeatedly told my band director that I have no interest in taking up the saxophone, I showed up on the first day to find a girl thrusting a saxophone at me and telling me she'd show me how to play it.
Very well.

Unfortunately, this saxophone was provided by the school. As such, it stayed there, and the members of the band they set up for the little ones used it as well.

So I arrive one fine day, assemble said saxophone, and am compelled to look down the mouthpiece for whatever odd reason. When I do so, I am greeted with the sight of vomit produced by the last child to use it.

I was told, "Just wash it out a little and it'll be fine".

I got the flu a few days later.
(Fri 23rd Mar 2007, 3:05, More)

» Spoooky Coincidence

Beyond the grave?
I was about 10 or 11. One of my (then) friends had an uncle who'd recently died at 7:30 in the morning.
Her father, his brother, had borrowed the car to get to work that day.
At exactly 7:30, the car broke down.
(Sun 11th Feb 2007, 23:45, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Not too terrible, but...
When I was about four or five years old, my parents sent me to what passed as a preschool at the local private school. I already knew most of what was being taught ("this is blue", "this letter is called y", blah), so I'd often get bored and camp out beneath the table.

In my teacher's mind, this was absolute and undeniable proof that I had ADHD and needed to be put on medication immediately. My parents, being young and stupid (emphasis on stupid), believed this had to be the case and promptly put me on three different medications.

One of them was Adderall.

A side effect of Adderall is severely decreased appetite.

One 20-pound first grader later, my parents considered taking me off the shit.
(Fri 17th Aug 2007, 2:27, More)

» Strict Parents

The perils of being my mother's child...
My mother is a former Avon lady. She also has stick-straight hair.
She happened to give birth to a then-tomboy with natural ringlets.

When I was young, a good two hours or so would be spent getting my hair soaking wet (and thus curlier, thank you, you twat) and trying to comb it straight. Because "that's the only hair [she] knows how to take care of". Unfortunately, my mother wasn't familiar with tending to a small child's bloody scalp.

When I got older, anything that would call for my leaving the house would be met with "you need to put some makeup on". However, I wasn't allowed to apply it. Because I "don't know how, because [I've] never sold it".

Sweet. Jesus.
(Mon 12th Mar 2007, 1:41, More)
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