b3ta.com user Miggyman
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» Bastard Colleagues

Directors and Managers are by far the worst.
This is simply a rant about directors and managers who think themselves higher than royalty, higher than god and higher than the laws of physics themselves. These people are a race above human.

Working in IT, I’ve had my fair share of dealings with Directors and how they must be treated completely differently to the rest of the workforce. And wow I've seen some stupidity in my time from these people. With rich and power, common sense and reality gets lost, as they cocoon themselves in their own little self important bubble.

They come in two varieties. First, the older generation. The mid-life crises 55 year old, who drives around in his oversized, over powered BMW. They get the only parking space in the city, and retire to their country mansion at night.

These people literally expect the earth to move around them. They see themselves as a higher level of being to anyone else, and as such, the cockroach workforce should feel obliged to even glimpse this wonderful powerful being.

They have their plush oversized offices with multiple personal assistants running around after them 24/7, ferrying coffees and anything else they want on demand. I honestly believe these people do nothing but sit in presentations, smile for corporate photographs and sign the odd sheet of paper. They always seem to be out of the office playing golf or taking holidays.

These people may have a PC, but would they even bother using them? Course not. The PAs will read their emails and print them off, if it’s important enough for him to read.

The time they do touch technology, it will undoubtedly screw up due to total lack of common sense, and of course I.T gets the full brunt of the blame.

Once, one of these dingle bats put transparent glossy paper in a colour laser printer after we told him not to. Result was, the paper melted onto the fuser unit and caused severe damage to the printer. Damage that would require parts ordering and a service technician calling out.
"How long will that take? I want it working in 5 minutes, I have a meeting."

Because of their godly like importance, the supervisors are running around calling every tom dick and harry to come and fit new parts to this printer. Result was a bike transport costing an extra 600 pounds from the other side of the country and an emergency call to the printers manufacturer to come and fit it. Total cost 1800 quid. This was a day after we had to go round 100 PCs switching them onto Toner Save options to save money. The director never did print the stuff he apparently wanted.. Which turned out to be something personal anyway.

I also had one of these numpties demand that 4 members of IT would be used to configure his daughters laptop so he could take it to her university, as he was going in 10 minutes. Installing a fresh copy of windows, office, itunes generally does take more than 10 minutes no matter how fast the machine is. But that was irrelevant. And quite how 4 technicians huddled around one laptop would make things go any faster I have no idea. But worst of all, this was at the same time as we were experiencing a major router fault. Crippling 40 offices UK wide. But his daughter had the priority.

Next up. You’ve got the arse lickers. Those that have given sexual favours to get promoted up the ranks. The 30 year old kids. At the dizzy heights of the 4th floor on a major, and I mean, major power trip. How someone of 30 who is 5 years out of university can be making decisions for huge corporations with all of a few years experience in the world of work is beyond me. But wow these guys are the worst.
They act like your best mates, and try to be cool. But would happily drop you like a sack of potatoes if you happen stray on their wrong side.

Because they grew up in the 80s, they feel they are on the tide of the technology boom, and want nothing more than the best. Seriously I've seen directors surrounded by 4 23" widescreen monitors hooked up to dual core graphics cards. 4GB RAM PCs with dedicated 10Mb broadband connections when the rest of the company are sharing a 2mb.
I’ve seen these directors with PCs more powerful than the applications servers. So what do they use them for? Browsing the net and checking email of course! I’ve also seen cinema sized wide screen plasmas fitted to their offices with full sky subscriptions... So they can keep an eye on Bloomberg.

They demand the best, and they get it no questions asked. Yet when some poor sod is suffering on a flickering 14" CRT whilst trying to design tools in AutoCAD requests a bit of extra memory, there’s about 4 forms and 6 signatures required to sign off. Requiring at least an essay to explain justification and five quotes for the cheapest price.

So what do these 30 year old directors drive around in? Well of course it has to be Lamborghinis and Ferraris. They have to show that they have something cool and prove to the world that they are successful... Successful in giving blow jobs in my opinion.
These people also love their plush offices and having 17 year old blonde bimbos known PAs running around after them. (and are usually having sexual affairs with them)

The worst thing is, these 30 year old entrapanoures are just as stupid if not worse as their daddies. Unthought-of, rash, stupid decisions. Such as "Block Google now!" so people can’t search for that news report about how dodgy the company is. These people also expect the laws of physics to change to suit them, and Bill Gates to personally come and fix their PC problems.

"You left my PC on Administrator mode!"
"Umm no I'm sure I logged it out after I installed that printer for you."
"You calling me a liar? It says Administrator here"
"Aaah yes, just change it for your name and then put your password in as normal. It just remembers the last person to log on"
"How do I do that? Come up now and do it! CLICK"

This particular occasion resulted in me having to ring Microsoft to see if they could change something that was hard coded into Windows. Well you have three choices. Auto logon as him. Remember last person to log on, or don’t remember last user to log on. He wanted neither. But a call to Microsoft was required to clarify this.

Oh the law doesn’t matter to these people either. I’ve seen them wondering around the offices smoking. Yet everyone else has to go shiver in the outside bus shelter in the rain if they want to smoke.

So yes, you get your numpty work colleagues. The office Judas. The idiot who will try and self repair printers by ripping fuser units out when they’re switched on. The office joker who will superglue your mouse to the desk. The guy who will do 3 hours overtime daily and wonder why no one else does. The slackers. Those that come in stinking of last nights booze. The self important supervisors who’s stuff is always more important than anyone else. The sexy lass who is just a cocktease and she knows it.

Yes I’ve experienced them all. But nothing makes me groan more than the managers and directors. How much I loathe these people. I am a fond believer in treating everyone equal. We are all human. This is just one little company in a little company on a little planet in the whole big universe. It’s just a job; it’s not the be all and end all of life. We work to live, not live to work. But nope, this isn’t good enough for them. Nothing is ever good enough. Your loyalty stands with the company, not with your family or friends.

I hate the tippy toeing, the stress, the nerves that these people put on their minion workforce. You do a million things correct for everyone else, and one thing slightly wrong for a director and bang, your career is over. They quite literally have lost all grasp on reality.

Yup big rant, but I'm sure there’s a lot of you there nodding your head as your reading this.. In which case.. Clicky please!!!!
(Thu 24th Jan 2008, 13:11, More)

» Cars

I gave Carcraft a big SLAP!
I was a man on a mission. I bought a car from Carcraft back in 2003 with the Peace of Mind Promise of "if anything goes wrong, our warranty covers it!" How wrong I was!

6000 miles later as required on their guarantee, I took the car for a service. A wrath of hell was uncovered. I found out my new shiny pride and joy was actually an over priced wreck! But no problem! Can get her all fixed up and back on the wrong. The dealer told me not to drive the vehicle due to the turbo leaking oil all over the engine and problems with the breaks. So no problem. Told them to liase with Carcraft get it me fixed and I'd be sorted.

Except Carcraft said nooo! "We only cover sudden mechanical breakdowns" They don't cover stuff that is about to break. "But the turbo is leaking all over the engine" "Yes but its still working, so we dont cover it" "So what am I supposed to do? Carry on driving it, until it explodes and then you'll cover it?" "No, because you know about the problem and that would be driver neglect, so we don't cover that"

And so there we had it! MyCarcraftExperience.co.uk was born. And the blog of my events were put up there. Nothing slanderous, just an account of what was going on in my fight to get my car repaired. Carcraft had the audacity to write to my internet service provider to have the site taken down. They wimped out and pulled the site. So I relaunched the site on a norweigan host. So Carcraft wrote to them, who said "Sod off!" which was funny! The site was doing well and drawing in a lot of hits. Some SEO had it high in the list of a "carcraft" search in google. People were writing to me sharing their experiences which I put up on the site. I also did an Interview with my local BBC about my story who aired it on the day they opened their new Leeds branch.

I then get a phone call from the guy who's just under their top guy saying "Right, I've reviewed your claim and we will cover it. I want to get that car back on the road!" And then after 2 months of having no car, a courtesey car turned up. A month later, my car was repaired at no cost to me!

But of course the site still exists, and 7 years later, I am still getting emails from people asking for my help in sorting out various problems with this company. I've also had emails from people who used to work at Carcraft telling me some great secrets from within. I've also heard about people who were sacked for viewing my site at their work. The best thing though, I still get emails from people thanking me for the site being there. They read about my ordeal and others, and decided not to buy a car from there.

I would love to know for the sake of £2,000 repairs my car needed, how many cars they did not sell thanks to me.

Carcraft, You were sh*t, you tried to get out of covering the warranty on my car. You failed. And I gave you a big SLAP! You deserved it!
(Fri 23rd Apr 2010, 13:07, More)

» How nerdy are you?

I got married on IRC.
I met this great girl online called Ange. We decided to get married. We weren't about to have any cheap ass wedding. We went all out. No expenses spared.

We found a guy with the nick "Priest^" and he invited us into #church for a look around.. It was a lovely little place, secluded and private from the rest of the IRC network. We made sure all the guests had herecomesthebride.wav and other church music organ wavs in their sound folders.

The big day arrived. At 13:00GMT the guests started to arrive in #church . The organ player guy was constantly sending out /sound organ1.wav in order to keep us entertained whilst we awaited on the bride. I was stood at the front of the channel feeling all nervous.

The place filled up pretty quickly with about 30 users and just the 1 op in #church (which was of course was Priest^) We also had the security guy (Chanserv) on standby in case anyone decided to flood or spam the occasion.

So we were there milling around, when suddenly I started hearing herecomesthebride.wav . Ive never enjoyed such a CTCP request as that!

Everyone went quiet as
Priest^ sets channel mode changed to +m

Then the best thing ever
Ange' has joined #church
Priest^ sets mode +v to Ange'

ahhh She looked so great there with the + next to her name. She had really dressed for the occasion with the '. I dont know who helped her pick that, but it suited her down to the bone. I was mesmorized by her beauty as she walked down the aisle. I was overjoyed with happiness. She joined me at the top of the userlist. When herecomesthebride.wav finished. It all started.

Priest^: We are joined here today in holy matronmy between Miggyman and Ange.

Ahh the service was wonderful. Priest^ did such a wonderful job. Eventually:

Priest^: If anyone here present has any reason as to why these should not be married, please speak now or forever hold your peace.

-- Priest^ sets channel #church mode to -m

Priest^: no one? OK good

-- Priest^ sets channel #church mode to +m

Priest^ With the powers vested to me by Operserv I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.

- Ange' is now known as MrsMiggyMan

ahh that was the best feeling ever. I gave her a very big bold

/me kisses MrsMiggyMan! LOTS!

Channel moderation went off again and everyone had a mill around, congratulating me and everything. Priest^ sent me marriagecertificate.jpg which I signed and sent to MrsMiggyMan who signed it and DCC sent it back to Priest^
We hung around whilst the video guys made sure they saved the channel logs for us all to read back later.

We all headed off to a lovely place called #TheWaterFront for our reception do. Where we had a lovely meal, lots of wine. The best man gave some great speeches. I think the best line was:

MiggyDude: Well I've been to many weddings, but not one quite like this. I remember when MiggyMan first joined the Internet. He didnt even have a firewall. And was still just using mIRC! He had no scripts, no wavs. And was only on a 28.8K modem!

The guests laughed. I felt a tad embarassed. He continued.

However he met the lovely Ange. Who soon found out his favourite DCC port!! And sent him many files. He was a changed man after that. Coming in to #tavern flitting around his new talents. I remember their first date. We booked them a table in #CyberCafe. They agreed to meet up at 3 O'clock. But miggyman forgot that Ange is 5 hours behind. He kept /msg 'ing me saying "shes not here yet, shes not here yet!" But I tell you one thing. He stayed online the whole time waiting for you Ange!! He loved you from the beginning! Despite it costing 1p a minute and his mum needing the phone.. He stayed online for you Ange!!"

It was such a lovely occasion. I danced with MrsMiggyMan until we headed off #Honeymoonsuite . MiggyDude had left a bottle of champagne and a condom in there!! Naughty naughty!
But it was good. We soon had the channel set to +i and +s and engaged in a 3 hour cybersex session. Its the best we ever had.

The next day we headed off on holiday to #Hawaii and spent 2 weeks there. We certinately had some stories to tell the guys in #Tavern what it was like over there.

Life was good. It couldnt be any better. It was a joy to be alive!
But tradgedy struck some months later. When MrsMiggyMan got a virus. The guys in #hospital said it was called Blaster.
I stayed online with her at her bedside whilst they tried to talk her through removal instructions. But alas it was too late. I will never forget the day when she went all quiet and then:

MrsMiggyMan ([email protected]) has signed off. Ping Timeout

She never made it back online again. We went back to #church and #graveyard for the funeral. But thats another story for another QOTW. It was the first time in my life I had hoped to see a ghost online. But alas she was gone. I remember spending some time in #depressed and spoke to a great guy called TheShrink. I soon picked myself up and ventured back into #singles to find new cyber love.
(Thu 6th Mar 2008, 17:25, More)

» I Quit!

Why I Quit the UK.
Some of you may remember my post on the Kids QOTW about how I got with a girl, who then found out she was pregnant from her ex. I stuck around and was there for the babies birth which ended up being quite a hurrendous experience due to complications. ( www.b3ta.com/questions/kids/post146569 )

So, A year later, me Kelly and baby Tom have been living with each other now for about 9 months.
Both of us working. My family were pretty much accepting the baby as their own and her family loved me to bits. Money was good, nice car on the drive. I had just started a new job as an IT Manager and all was good. I guess you couldnt ask for a more stable happy family life.

Our long term plans were to have another child at some point. To complete the circle. If that was to happen, and if I was to marry her then I would adopt Tom and be his legal father.

This was, until I started growing suspisious of Kellys MSN activities. Like when I looked up she would close her MSN chat window on the PC like she really didn't want me to look at what she was doing.
Something wasn't quite right and I couldnt put my finger on it.

I was very much in favour of Kelly having her own life outside the house and outside of her part time job. She kept in touch with some friends from a previous job. One guy in particular, Joe used to come round every now and again. He was a cool dude, into Anime, Red Dwarf etc. So we had stuff to talk about. He was at Tom's Christening and at our house warming BBQ. Yeah it was good. But something was a miss...

I did something that some would say is controversial, and an invasion of privacy but I ended up having to do it. But I installed an MSN Chat sniffer on my server, and so Kellys MSN activity was being logged and she had no idea I was able to read her conversations.

I soon found out that Kelly and Joe were messing about on MSN. Talking about sexual fantasies. It then got to the point where they were sat on webcams doing stuff to tease each other and turn each other on. This would go on whilst I was at work, or sleeping. One night she actually sneaked into our bedroom to get her vibrator and took it downstairs. Thinking I was asleep. Nope I wasnt. And infact i soon pulled out my PDA and was reading what she was up to downstairs in real time.

She was really stupid thinking she would get away with this seeing as she was living with an IT Expert using my computer on my network.

From what I could gather, what they were doing was strictly confined to the internet. And I watched their little relationsjhip blossom over a couple of months to see if it actually got physical.

I felt extremely hurt by what was going on, and started planning my exit from the whole situation. I had completely lost trust in Kelly. But was fighting myself beacuse she hadnt actually done anything in real life with him. Plus of course the baby hadnt done anything wrong and I loved him to bits. I didnt want to leave him. I was pretty much his dad.

I was bored at work one day and happened to stumble across a forum for British Expats living in Spain, and suddenly got very interested in the idea. A couple of months before, I had just taken Kelly on a short break to Torremolinos on the Costa Del Sol, and I had been to that area before. Ive always wanted to move to the U.S but since 9/11 getting Visas is just next to impossible. I soon found out that all I had to do to stay in Spain was register at a police station and find a job. No visas as its part of europe. So its incredibly easy to move there. I soon got very interested in this idea! I was seriously considering persueing it if things were to go wrong with Kelly.

One fatefull day came where one of the MSN logs indicated that they were going to do stuff with each other the next time they meet. Kelly had asked me to look after Tom one night whilst she went out. I knew where she was going. She was going to meet up with Joe. She said she was, but obviously just as friends. I planned that the day after they would of course talk abotu what they had done. If that happened, I was going to put my notice in at work, spend some time at my mates and then eventually drive down to Spain and never see them again.

Then perhaps the worse thing happened. They never met up! Joe wasn't feeling very well so cancelled on her. Which just prolonged the agony for me. At this point I had been watching them at it online for a couple of months and I really couldnt take it anymore. So despite this I had it out with Kelly anyway. She had nothing to say to me. Other than "Oh shit yes you caught me" and then she started feeling really really bad about it. I never told her how I found out. But I did quote some of her and his MSN comments. So she must have known I had seen her logs. She just started crying and said I love you I really do.

As a few days passed, she was nothing but sorry for the whole thing. But I suddenly felt bad. Even if I did forgive and forget. I had pretty much planned a new life in Spain. So I told her that I was going to do this. And she said that she would come too. A new fresh start would solve the problem she said. If she is willing to give up her life in the UK for me to move out to Spain away from people she knows. That would prove her real commitment to me.

Well its an idea. Except I had no idea whether a life in Spain would work for me let alone her. Its not like I had a job there or knew anyone or knew the area particularly well. So I said I would go ahead first for a couple of months and if all works out then she and the baby can follow. With working tax credits she could afford to keep the house going by herself.

So thats what happened. I flew out to Spain and within a week I got a job as an IT Technician and soon found a great circle of friends. A month later, Kelly came out and we chose an apartment together. She went home to make the preperations to move out with the baby permanently.

What she didnt realise was that I was still keeping tabs of her MSN conversations. And what was she up to? The same stuff again, with the same guy. Until one conversation made out that she had sexually pleasured him. I simply received an email "Dont bother coming to Spain. You know why."

She did nothing but deny it. She realised what a mistake she had made, and the life she was about to loose. I told her we were finished
Her response to that was to have sex with someone else. She admitted that one herself.
So that was it, we was completely and utterly finished.

So, I'm still out in Spain and she's still home in the U.K. I let her keep all my furniture and stuff in the house for the babys sake. We are still friends and her and the baby have come out for holidays. She no longer talks to Joe. I even saved her ass from getting evicted the other month, due to a financial muddle she had got herself in. Once again, I only did that for Tom. But I'd never have her. I'll always be there for the baby. I am still his godfather.

Hopefully I'll meet another girl and have our own baby sometime. Miss Right will be out there somewhere!
(Mon 26th May 2008, 15:07, More)

» I Quit!

Notice Periods.
I used to work for a company where they insisted a 2 month notice period for our job. Gee we were just techies not some kinda senior management. (They had 3 months!)

My collegue put his notice in, and to illustrate that 2 months was a long time. He refused to shave during his entire notice period. By the end of the two months he looked something like this:

Length? Far too long.
(Sun 25th May 2008, 21:28, More)
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