» Why I was late

It wasn't my excuse but a real excuse someone rang into the company a few weeks back.
This fella, being a big fan of being wasted on a weekend, decided he was still too wrecked and rang in. The next day he was in work, he was ripped out of his chair and was sent to HR.


"Now, here's the recording of the phone call you made, sir."

"Eh, well, I can't make it in today.. I fell down the stairs and caught the flu on the way down.."


I'd let him off for an excuse like that.. Priceless.
(Thu 28th Jun 2007, 15:14, More)

» Voyeurism

Fifty 10-year old children...
..Including me, were in a summer play with this theatre company. We were brought to the capital to perform for a few days running. We were staying in a dingy hostel frequented by the hobos, and opposite were flats above shops.

So this lovely young couple were in their flat kissing each other vigourously. In almost sitcom fashion after about ten minutes both of them stopped, and turned their heads to look out the window. This 10 foot window across from them had fifty children glued to it, and they decided it was time to get lost. They then went upstairs and pulled the curtains. Sex must've been a bit awkward then eh?
(Thu 11th Oct 2007, 22:36, More)

» Guilty Secrets

When I first got on to the internet...
I was probably ten or eleven. My parents spend an hour in the pub on saturdays, and me being bored got to go to the internet cafe for an hour a week. yahoo was the only website I knew, and I went onto the chatrooms.

So being an 11/f/ie wasn't a very safe thing to say. Well, what I thought was that I wouldn't look cool and no-one would talk to me if I said I was 11. So to be cool for all the other 'teenagers' in the teenager room, I was 16/f/uk. I usually had about 3 pms at once, one asking me to cyber, and I actually did once, but I thought it kinda funny that some guy would want to take off my imaginary top.

I remember one time, I said to someone "what do you like?" He said "skateboarding and girls who masturbate." I was very confused by this, so I asked the other person I was talking to what masturbate meant... He declined to tell me. He was a *little* surprised that I didn't know what it meant, and didn't want to be the one to explain.

Then in last year of convent primary school we had sex ed and I asked what it was. The roman catholic scared-to-answer explanation was more confusing than the word itself...


Apologies for length - at the time I didn't know why it mattered.
(Fri 31st Aug 2007, 15:29, More)

» Stalked

I had a WoW stalker.
Admittedly, he was a very young teenage boy, so you can't blame him. But WoW became a constant stream of questions that made long long walks become even longer walks. Instances became very difficult, cos I'd be healing people and answering the poor kid at the same time.

He brought me to a lake and fished for some deviate fish, and made me savoury deviate delights, which go for a lot of money. It was truly a romantic event in World of Warcraft... While my boyfriend hid behind a tree and ran from cover to jump up and down and run to the next tree.

One moment in particular was hilarious in retrospect. I was in my hometown of Thunderbluff, when here comes a PM:
B: Feanor, I have something to tell you.
F: What's up?
[at this point I must note that English wasn't his first language]
B: My hearth is broken.
F: Your hearthstone? Logging out and back in should fix that.

B: No, my hearth... You know... In my body.
F: Oh, your heart?
BAM. Shit. I'm in the middle of the most excruciating conversation ever. My lack of course was pissing himself laughing upon hearing this.

A big conversation of "no, don't say you love me, you're a kid and I'm a female tauren - who likes them?" I go on to learn that he loves my RL name - my name, not me - and dreams about my name - not me. It was one of the weirder moments in my WoW career that I won't forget.

Length? Months. That's as condensed as you're getting it, buddy.
(Thu 31st Jan 2008, 23:38, More)

» Hotel Splendido

My college degree took place in a hotel until the end of last year.
So I spent a year of college - lessons and lectures - in a hotel, where it was running for about ten years waiting for a new building. It was awful.

The hotel wasn't fit to be a hotel anymore, never mind a place of learning. There was a room with two grand pianos that were visibly at different slants to each other and just about fit into the room. While in another room playing music you could hear the vibrations of someone tapping their foot on the ceiling above.

There was a 'classroom' which had no windows so the air conditioning had to be on for the entire time that we were in the room, making it colder than anywhere on earth, moreso than when you walked outdoors.

But best/worst of all was our music technology room. The sound engineering equipment was in a kitchen section of a dining room. The kitchen room was directly underneath an en suite of a bedroom that was still rented out to people. On two occasions people left the bath run and the water leaked through the roof onto the mixing desk. Oh, and that room was prone to flooding from the river it was beside, every winter.
(Mon 21st Jan 2008, 5:44, More)