» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

I actually have something this week. Shock horror!
For a little background, I'm British and my Girlfriend is Canadian who was living in spain. This poses many problems, the first and foremost being logistics.
I've been seeing her since July 2007 (So just a little over a year, woo for us) and for 1 whole year i flew every fortnight on Saturday at 5:45am to Madrid (where she was living at the time) and flew back home Monday morn' at 6:45am just intime to arrive at work at 9:30.

Yeaup, i commuted from spain.

Anyway, one of my work colleagues (who shall remain nameless) arranged for me to go to India for 6 months, under the condition that the company would pay my girlfriend's flights, visa costs and other things. This was great for me as it means we can live together for a whole six months whilst I work out a plan to allow us to live together for longer.

The problem with this is that after the 6 months (we're 1 month in) we have to return to our respective countries, which is quite saddening. That was, until yesterday... the aforementioned colleague has arranged for me to transfer to Canada. This means that my flights, her flights, visa applications et al will be paid and arranged for by the company. The most important part being sponsored for a visa.

He's single handedly allowed me and my girlfriend to continue our relationship with relative ease for the next few years by which time i'll be able to apply for my residency :)

Plus, he takes me shopping as i don't have a car here.
(Thu 2nd Oct 2008, 17:21, More)

» What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?

I was a strange child.
Apologies about this post, it's a wee bit off topic but bear with me.

To give you some background, i was a young Axai (about 15). I was bullied at school, had low self confidence and to top it all off i was a geek.
Woo and (dare i say it) yay?
Not quite, life at school was pretty awful for me. Teachers were able to do nothing, parents were able to do nothing and if they did it'd only make it worse.
I couldn't do anything but stick through it.... What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger... right? Right.

Then i met a girl who i shall refer to as S. She was lovely, at least to my semi-pubescent mind. She was the first girl that ever paid attention to me, she showed me
respect and treated me kindly. The whole week was a blur, i'd met up with her on friday and had a bit of a cuddle. I. Was. In. Heaven.

Until Sunday...

When i spoke to her, she told me that it couldn't go on (in hindsight there wasn't much happening anyway!). I was distraught, all the evils of the world were crawling back
at me again, grasping at the wall that i'd managed to mentally build up against my oppressors. To a 15 year old mind, this is most upsetting.
I asked her why this was necessary and pleaded, you all know the deal. She calmly said to me I'm Mormon, i can't date non mormons.

Uh? Fucksocks.

Can you see where this is going? You can? Well good. For the uninitiated, i actually spent more time with this girl and her nut-job family. It took abut 3 months in total, but they
actually managed to brainwash me into joining. I'm a very strong minded, opinionated atheist and always have been, how she managed this atrocity against my free will
i will never understand. The fact remains. I had converted to mormonism. My friends, family and acquaintances supported me in my endeavor to become a religious type.
They tried to make me see sense, but didn't once say i was wrong. Now, hit the fast forward button...

~~~ Two Years Later ~~~

I'm still a mormon but i'm getting unhappy with it. The rose tinted vision has worn off and i'm telling people what i think of them. I'm having discussions with the bishop *fnarr*.
I'm not being a good christian boy. Oh dear. It's time to cut this one loose, thinks I. I grew my hair long, i split up with my girlfriend but as some of you may know, getting a church to dump you is a very, very difficult thing.
I left the church. They showed up on Sunday mornings in their cars, knocking on my door. "Martin are you coming to church today?" "You're slipping off the beaten path"....

I cut off all contact with them, my ex decided to try and contact me, to get me back to church. I didn't want to know. What does a church do when they want to get you back? They send in the Missionaries!
Now, if you don't know what Mormon Missionaries are like, think opinionated 18 year olds with a devout, logic defying belief in god. It's scary. They came round to my house, they sat on my sofa. They started to
preach the gospel to me and why i was going to hell. I told them to get to fuck (thanks b3ta). I explained very politely why i thought it was all crock (Thanks Richard Dawkins). I gave them hell and i've never, never
given someone such a good verbal slamming. (Remember, i am a shy computer geek!).

Now i have cut off all communication with them, i have a lovely girlfriend who i adore. We are going to barbados on monday. I'll be coming to a b3ta bash with her, (my first ever!). I hope to see you all there.

Sorry, this was rather long. *fnarr*
(Fri 6th Jun 2008, 21:55, More)

» * PFFT *

Cruelty to animals.
Another one!

My father was walking around the bed, with the cat following him.. sniffing his behind (as you do.)

My father lovingly stops, bends over a little, the cat then decides to take this prime opportunity to take a great big sniff. *just* As my father lets one go, a big, smelly, one-you-could-eat type.

The cat has never been the same again, oh how i laughed!
(Fri 13th Jul 2007, 14:24, More)

» Terrible Parenting

711
I'm writing this on my PDA en route to hatfield, so apologies for length -- its how you use it that counts.

Well I digress, I was at a 711 (conveniance store) in the USA. I happened to see an albino chap at the counter.

He was very tall snow white hair and just generally scary! He was a nice guy though...

His nametag said "Earth Ling". I pissed myself laughing!

I asked him to confirm, he said it was true... bless him!

length? I already told you.
(Thu 16th Aug 2007, 17:11, More)

» Cross Dressing

It's a bit off subject, but cross dressing got me introuble =(
... well firstly a bit of background:

The missus (I use the term loosly as we're not actually married) is Canadian, whereas i am a Brit, i live in blighty she lives across the pond. I got to visit her once every month for about a week (oh how i love being a sysadmin).

I am a very forgetful person, every time i visit i ALWAYS forget something, which she finds and keeps in her bedroom (she lives with her parents, she is 16 afterall... hey c'mon im only 17)...

Unfortuantly yesterday, i was sitting reading b3ta in Canada, and her mother walked up to me with a rather, shall we say 'disgruntled' expression on her face. "Uh oh" says i, knowing that this could mean only one thing: she wasn't happy about something, and her being FRENCH canadian means that she has the temper of a raging rhinoceros.

I'm usally pretty adept at getting myself out of sticky situations and talking myself out of things, but what happened next was a case of "Oops". She pulled out some black underwear and put it infront of me. "I found these in my daughters bed"... uhm... what to say? Being the genius that i am, thought i'd get myself in a little bit more shit that i was already in.

"Oh, i wondered where i'd left them!"

Not happy... she was really not happy and stormed off. Should i of kept quiet? I had to stick my fist in my mouth to stop myself laughing out loud!

Oh right, the QOTW... the reason the offending items were found in her bed was becuase she likes to wear my boxers in bed, of course i already knew this but that'd just spoil the fun telling the MIL.

Click i like this if you think it was an intelligent descision ;)

Length, girth? Well just look at the size of my undies
(Tue 20th Mar 2007, 11:08, More)