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» I don't understand the attraction

Shut the fuck up about Twilight
Or I shall take your box set and beat you to death with it.
(Mon 19th Oct 2009, 19:32, More)

» Eccentrics

My poor Gandaddy
Is a bit fuckin' nuts bless him. He's subject to paranoid delusions and dementia. Despite this, the days are never boring when he's around.

My dad got the first indication that he wasn't all there when he used to ring him up thinking that someone had broken into his house. 'You need to come round, I think someone's broken in!'
'SHIT' cries daddy. And drives the 2hours drive to visit him.
'Someones broken in and been moving things. The onaments are in the bedroom.'

'Did you do that?'

'No!.. Oh, actually.. maybe.'

Good grief. He then goes on the explain about the illegal immigrants that have moved into his shed but were hiding during the day and he couldnt catch them at night because he was afraid of them in the dark. And surprisingly the police didnt believe him.

It all got a bit sinister one day when he belived his 79 year old neighbour was tring to gas him out of his bedroom (!?) He believed that this frail, elderly man was drilling holes during the day and at night pumping toxic gas into his bedroom so he could claim his house and knock the wall through.

So he put his windows in.

My uncle lives in Spain and had come home for a few week to see my cousins. The immigrants in the shed story had changed to the ALIENS (I kid you not) in the shed.

I think that this was when they decided that something must have been up.

Anyway he was admitted to hospital for a dodgy ankle whereupon he proceeded to insult any nurse/doctor that didnt refer to him as 'The Colonel' and demanded to go back to the barracks.

Since then he's in a home and he's not as mental anymore. My dad had to clear out his house and found some folders. One of the folders was a list of every registration number that had parked out side his house and were numbered 1-10 on a scale of how threatening the VEHICLE looked and an explanation. It was apparant that he did not favour the Saxo as they were too common (a degree of truth there) so he was suspicious of them. There was another folder of ufo sightings over his house and drawings of figures entering his shed.

Maybe it was true after all?.... No.

Its not that funny really but it used to make me laugh
(Fri 31st Oct 2008, 10:14, More)

» My sex misconceptions

I didn't even mention this to anyone because I thought it was common knowledge
A young child (8-9), clinging on to my innocence and naiveity of life. Then I had to stop at my cousin's house one night, he was only in his early teens but I thought he knew everything about everything ever.

Anyway he decided to inform me of the ins and outs of male masturbation in full detail. When I didnt quite understand he got out one of uncles favoured videos so I could check the visuals.

I was shocked. Not because of the video. But because for the next few years of my life I truely believed that cows were maturbated to produce milk which was infact their love juice.

I was about 14 when I worked out how stupid I was.

The worst thing was that even with me believing that cows were sexually stimulated and the prdoduct was actually meant to be entering another cow, in no way whatsoever did this hinder my consumption of milk. Yum.
(Mon 29th Sep 2008, 12:45, More)

» Presents

I got a tortoise last year
He is called Lancelot and I love him :)
(Sat 28th Nov 2009, 14:27, More)

» Festivals

Leeds 2007
I got pissed on whilst watching the Klaxons.

It was better than the Klaxons.
(Fri 5th Jun 2009, 11:34, More)
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