» Kids say the shittiest things

Policemen
The son and heir was slow to speak (4 in fact)but one of the first conversations was about seatbelts. Like many children he loved to take his off the minute I was driving leading to much stopping and replacing. One day he was doing this when I eyeballed him in the mirror and said 'You have to keep your seatbelt on or the policeman will shout at Mummy' to which he replied 'Well I will kick the policeman in the willy'. Nothing else to say really but he does keep his belt on now (age 15).
(Fri 24th May 2013, 15:38, More)

» Council Cunts

Barrow Borough Council (oh dearie dearie me)
Where to start really - live in an area with a residens parking scheme (take your council tax extortion document and log book and voila you can park outside your own front door!) and at the end of the street there is a 2 hours visitors gap. Heaven help it if a resident with permit on full dispaly should park there because there is nowhere else to park, that'll be £30 thank you very much.

But BBC's crowning moment was in 2002 when, to save £10,000, they decided not to clean the air con tanks at the local 'arts' centre and let the legionnaires disease infested water vapour waft all over the local populace killing 7 of them and disabling alot more.

Needless to say the Council employee in charge at the time is still in charge and will have to be forceably removed from his cushy little number. He must have something on our collection of local bigwigs as they won't get rid. When the bereaved attended a council meeting recently about legionnaires they were removed from the council chamber as they hadn't asked to speak to the Mayor in the correct manner. Caring, eh?

Apologies for length but they really are hopeless.
(Fri 27th Jul 2007, 21:47, More)

» * PFFT *

Baby pumps
This dates back to when my youngest offspring was 6 months old (she's now 3 years old). She was just learning to sit up by herself and was happily propped up on the marital bed watching me put the huge amounts of laundry we produce away when her mashed carrots percolated through her infant system. She farted so hard that she fell over and burst into tears. Unfortunately, Mummy scaredy-cat laughed that hard the poor child stayed slumped for at least two minutes before I was able to rescue her. I'm so looking forward to reminding her of it when she's at those awkward teenage years.
(Mon 16th Jul 2007, 19:40, More)

» My most gullible moment

Gullible young Cumbrians
Just remembered this one on the way home this afternoon coming home through Ulverston, Cumbria.

All of those who know the area will know that there is a pretend light house on the top of Hoad Hill. As a small child my dear father had me convinced that there was a man who lived under the lighthouse and through cycling(?) raised the light house up and down. (Which it does do).

Took years to realise that it's the many hills that we travelled over that caused the lighthouse to rise and fall. Oh dear and I get let out on my own now.
(Sat 23rd Aug 2008, 21:25, More)

» Stalked

stalkers
Not me as stalker/stalkee but Mr Scaredy-cat. Any way long before we met, Mr S-C emigrated to Australia, stayed 6 years, saw sense came home, met me and we've lived happily ever after(ish) with our 3 kittens.

Back to the stalker - his ex-aussie girlfriend P, the one he told that she was the reason he as returning to UK as she was such a headcase. Well, 12 months later - P turned up after no contact what so ever, flew 12000 miles, turned up at Mr S-C's sister and wheedled his address out of her, then travels a further 90 miles to stalk him at new job. After a week of being told to go away finally got the hint and cleared off but as a parting shot broke in his flat, phoned an 0845 number and left it running for a couple of hours. Police said 'domestic' (couldn't be bothered more like), Mr S-C paid the bill and put it behind him.

8 years later his sister rang wanting photos of the kittens as she is off on her hols to Australia at 2 weeks notice - to go to P's wedding!!!! Serious family meltdown occurred only repairing now, on the understanding that if we ever hear another word about P we won't be responsible for actions/loss of access to kittens.
(Fri 1st Feb 2008, 22:34, More)