b3ta.com user lo, the Greebo Warrior
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howdy, I'm martin, I live in Essex (unfortunately).

Fab Feb Birthday Club


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» Sacked

#1
at the tender age of 14, i was fired for not turning up to my saturday job at the greengrocers. my reason? i was in hospital with a broken arm.

'no worries' thought i, all i did was wash the display trays, and i'd done them all the previous week, which meant there was enough clean to last a fortnight.

a few days later, when i turned up to explain my absence, i was told that it didnt matter, as he'd given someone else my job on the wednesday before, and was going to tell me when i turned up.

my biggest mistake was probably asking him why he did. i asked him as politely as possible (seeing how i wasnt that bothered, it was a dull job anyway, and only paid a tenner for a days work), at which the cunt GRABBED ME BY THE FUCKING THROAT! (hard) and started calling me a "nosy little cunt"

in shock, i wandered home, and my cousin noticed i had marks on my neck, and asked what had happened. i explained as best i could, considering the shaking and stuttering.

at that, my cousin (9 years older than me, muscular, skinhead, but only 5'5") takes a wander up to the shop, and quietly mentions to my (ex) boss that by attacking me, he would retaliate, and strike him back in the hardest way he knew. boss (6'2", ginger) laughed at him, and replied "ha, that i'd like to see, little man! come on then, do your worst!".

my cousin's response? he walked out of the shop, turned left in to the police station, then told the story of events to everyone he knew. we live in a fairly small town, so word travels fast, and before long, most people knew about it. A majority of these people decided not to take their custom to a 'child-beating psychopath', instead opting for the less-convenient, but better priced, supermarket down the road.

6 months later, and the boss sells the business, due to a 'downturn in trade'. i hear the new management are a lovely couple, and their shop is doing very well.
(Thu 23rd Feb 2006, 21:09, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

dabbling with dark forces
when i was 16, hanging around bunking college, a friend and i met a girl in the local who claimed to be a witch, with a lot of ouija experience.
after the initial laughing and piss-taking, she told us that if we didnt believe her, we were more than welcome to go back to hers, and do the board with her.
my mate was initially skeptical, and disagreed. i, on the other hand, am quite intrigued by the 'other' world, and figured 'what the hell, why not'

so, the following night, we go back to hers, and do the ouija. so we sit down in a circle, set the board and glass up on the floor, while she cast a protective spell circle thing around us, saying that if, at any point, we felt at risk, we could more away from the board, and outside of the circle, where we would be safe (apparently, by casting the 'spell' circle, it would prevent any spirits from escaping or effecting anything outside of it), and still be able to watch.
slightly nervous, but equally intrigued, we get going.

before i carry on, i must mention what i learned. it is, apparently, nigh-on impossible to contact any specific ghost/spirit, when you do the ouija, you are just opening a doorway, and communicating to whatever pops through.

anyway, first up, we find ourselves communicating with some woman, anne, who seemed to be rather friendly, and just happened to be near the gateway we'd opened. 30 minutes later, we're still randomly chatting with the nice dead lady. she goes, out pops chris, equally nice, but unable to spell. this is explained by him telling us he died as a child.
so, nothing too extreme.
until the next guy, aiden, who was an angry spirit. this i figured out by myself, given the fact the glass was moving fucking fast, and had some weight behind it, more that if someone was pushing it with their finger.

its at this point i start getting freaked out, as i've realised the room has gone from confortably warm, to absolutly fucking freezing, to the point that you can just about see breath vapour.

it was at this point, my mate freaked out completely, stood up, and RAN out of the door. i was about to go fetch him back when the witch explained to me that the board requires a certain balance of energy, expressed by people taking part, and the spirits, and although my mate had fucked off, we'd still be able to close the board, but if i went, she'd be fucked.

so, there we sat, for another hour, while she tried to kick the angry bastard spirit from the glass, in order to close the board. what happened in that hour is far too in-depth to go into, but in a summary, included:

- the candles surrounding the board flare up dramatically and randomly
- feeling the board judder, as if kicked from underneath (rememeber, it was on the floor)
- HEARING screaming from somewhere in the room (even though it sounded distant)
- being further chilled by the dropping room temperature
- seeing objects on a nearby table (which was inside the circle) falling over (things like a candlestick, a few cds, and a small vase. they didnt fly around the room and crash into a wall, they just fell)

once we'd finally closed the board, the room rapidly warmed up. i noticed my witch friend looking very shaken, telling me that she'd never experienced a board quite as bad as that, then spent the rest of the evening appologising for involving me, and asking if i was okay (which, surprisingly, i was)

needless to say, ive never done ouija since, and now very definately believe in some form of spirit realm. i also believe that my chicken-shit friend missed out on one of the most intriguing and amazing experiences that he could have ever had

[insert your own witty & childish penile-related pun here]
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 12:07, More)

» School fights

for the first 2 years of school
i was bullied daily, nothing too severe, but a dead arm everyday, and a few roughing ups. i never retaliated, figuring they'd just get bored, plus my high pain threshold meant it never hurt much anyway.
well, one day, i was already sitting in class, teacher present, when my antagoniser arrives, and on his way past, punches me in the back of the head quite hard.

now, im not sure if he caused some level of brain damage, or wether i was just fed up with it all, but, for the first time, i struck back.

i jumped up, grabbed him by the hair, and repeatedly slammed his face into the desk, while bringing my knee up into his stomach. i did this a few times, before pushing him over to his seat, and returning to my own chair as if nothing had happened.

best part? my teacher (who had witnessed the whole thing, and had seen me being bullied for ages) took the opportunity to send him out of the class to the headmaster for starting the fight.

after that, i never got picked on again. win-win :D
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 16:15, More)

» Work Experience

harlow square
when i did my work experience at school, i was forced to do a 2 week stint at radio rentals (or something similar). it was toss, spent the first 4 days in a shirt and tie, cleaning their incredibly filthy stock room. i walked out on the first friday, never to return.

HOWEVER, a year or two later, i joined a 'lifeskills' course at the local college. We basically spent 5 days a week, having a good laugh with our course tutor (sarah, you rock!), learning how to be self-sustaining (i.e. how to cook, write CVs, and improve yourself). there are many stories i can tell from these days, but the best was work experience.

On this course, after doing 1 full 'term', you could choose to do work experience, anywhere you liked, as long as the employer agreed.
at the time, we did 1 day a week at the local rock venue, the square, for doing 'classes' on public performance, and how to generally just learn the courage to stand up in front of a crowd of people and perform.
Well, i asked to do some work experience there, 3 days a week. they agreed, and, to this day, i remain the only person to ever do 12 weeks work experience at said venue, which included:

- Free entry to every gig while working there, and many since
- Being put in charge of other work experience kids (who didnt have much interest being there anyway), and making them put flyers into envelopes, seal them, stick on a label and stamp. for 2500 letters. while i went and 'cleaned the beer lines' with the bar manager :D
- Working on their new website
- Booking bands, and buying their riders (i.e. cases of booze) from Tesco, then helping them dispose of it later that evening.
- Learning how to use a sound desk and lighting rig

all in all, possibly the best time of my life :D
Sadly, the local council are now, pretty much, killing the place off :(
(Thu 10th May 2007, 11:47, More)

» Housemates from hell

my previous housemates were a terrible
they;d lived together for years at one of em's mums's house before they decided to play grown ups, and get a really nice house in the decent part of town.
the rent was just shy of 900, so they decided to get an extra lodger.. me. Its at this point i should have refused, but having known them a few years, and one of them being a copper, i though "hell, it cant be that bad". oh how wrong i was.

The younger of the two, dan, had just turned 18, but had a penchant for 15 year olds. Fair play, its what he wants to do, but having all night parties with said kids til 4am, gettign them drunks and taking advantage, while im trying to get soem sleep for work is not a good thing. he did this far too regularly...

The older, who we shall call 'dave' to avoid any possible beatings, had less questionable tastes in women, instead choosing to sleep with his exes. equally, not so bad, but when, post-coitus, he ran down the corridor, past my room, into dans room, naked, and dived onto his bed, causing dan to scream "Urggghhhh, its still dripping", waking me up, did i have a problem.

Various other things were shit too, such as the them vs me attitude they had.
I'm rather houseproud, and cant stand dirty plates & cuttlery lying around, not so much for the tidyness, but because i don't like infestations. So, every day, i made sure the dishwasher was loaded, turned on, turned off and unloaded, as well as generally keeping the place tidy.

i asked one of them to bring in the laundry one evening as i was working late, i find it still out at 2am when i finally clocked off, with a 3 page note about how they dont do me favours, as i dont do them any.

the near final straw was when they brought dan's brother, and his dog, to stay unexpectedly for a week. they explained that his parents were being evicted, so i thought it fair, until i noticed the dog had a habit of scratching itself. alot.
my cries of "its a flea ridden mutt" were shot down, until i demonstrated said pests to the pair of em, and threatened to put it in a sack with a brick, and throw it in a river.

the final straw was when they told me the landlord was evicting us for 'various noise related incidents' and had 3 weeks to move out. when i phoned the landlord, he told me the truth, the fuckers had handed in the notice, and sworn that i'd agreed too.

i could go on, but my rage is peaking, and i need to go kill something to let it go.

funnily enough, i dont talk to them anymore, but i hear they moved back in with 'dave's mum, to be mollycoddled, and cleaned up after, while i moved to a flat 3 mins stagger from the pub
(Thu 5th Apr 2007, 18:23, More)
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