b3ta.com user Mrswoodbine
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Became addited to B3ta after watching mr woodbine spend countless hours posting.
My life consists of work, drinking and curries.
A hermit by nature my skin is completley white and at night i give off a strange eerie green glow.

This is my alter ego or just maybe me in fancy dress!

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Lo! Who is that, prowling amidst the tundra! It is Mrswoodbine, hands clutching a thorned whip! She bellows gutterally:

"I'm going to smash you until you are tax-deductible, and grin like a fucking maniac!!"

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created by beatings : powered by monkeys

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Best answers to questions:

» Strict Parents

My Evil big brother.
Used to have to babysit me and my elder sister when our parents went out on the lash. We could see from our bedroom the attic cover and my brother would open it slightley and send us to bed. He then would tell us if we got out of bed the nun without a face would come out of the attic and get us. I have never forgiven him for it, but then neither has my sister as i was to scared to move and she would often wake up in a huge wet patch of my pee!

I was only ickle at the time
(Mon 12th Mar 2007, 17:09, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

I've already posted about seeing my dad's body
Here www.b3ta.com/questions/deadbodies/post124732
But I never told you about the funneral from hell!
At the crem all goes according to plan until the wake that is....

My dad liked a tipple so we held the wake at his local (rough as hell) pub.
Being the angry wee lass that I was I got very drunk very quickley and me and mr woodbine left early. We had a huge fight but was soon sorted! The next day I called my sister to say sorry for running out and how did it go? Well

A friend of her had brought her kids along which were playing with a locals dog (that was in the bar) the dog turned and bit 1 of the lads so 1st one to the hospital.
My uncle decided it was time to tell the rest of the family what he thought of them cakes were thrown (apparently) punches chucked around and he became knocked out another ambulance! Then my Aunty decides she's off and being a little drunk falls down the stairs and splits her head open- ambulance 2 called! The whole family were then kicked out ( can you imagine being thrown out of a wake)

So all night my sister was in A and E running inbetween 3 cubicals. Oh how I laughed! Me I was comatose on the sofa after all the bacardi and cokes jock style!

You had to be there and I missed it :-(

Length- about 8 hours A and E was very busy
(Fri 29th Feb 2008, 11:50, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

yep I think I got this one covered.
I saw 3 dead bodies in about 6 months of each other.
2006 was a hellish year we lost my nan in january my dad in april my mom in september (the day after her birthday) and my grandad 2 days later.
Dad's was the very first body I saw and it was a very sudden death. He was grey just like grey bloke! He also had to have a post mortem, so that we didn't see the scars his shirt coller was pulled right under his chin. Me and my sibblings stood round crying and after a while my big bro grabbed my hand a put it on to dads (later I was to find out that he wanted to touch him but was scared and made me do it first) All the while I was cring I kept thinking why had they filled him with so much embalming fluid! It gave him a round look! So my final look at my dad had him in shirt and tie with big round belly and my last thought was how much like the fat controller from thomas the tank engine he looked!
My mom clung on for 4 days while we were all around her hospital bed she was very peaceful in dying until the nurse on duty lifted her arm which was broken and she sat up in pain and shock and had to be sedated. I don't think I've ever wanted to punch anyone as much as that nurse. When she died her eyes went rather sunken and I was promptly sick. The week after we trotted off to scotland to see Granded who in all fairness looked ok. I think all the deaths gave me a sense of surrealism and I couldn't resist saying at the funeral how Grandad had very much won the beauty padgent of the corpse parade. Hmmmph not really a funny story and that's the longest answer I'll ever give to a question.

if you've got this far down thanks for sticking it out.

Length-Didn't like to look.
Can we have a more cheerful qotw i feel like I'm off to slit my wrists! ;-P
(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 11:46, More)

» How nerdy are you?

How nerdy am I...
Well I met my future husband to be on the internet!
(Fri 7th Mar 2008, 11:52, More)