» Strict Parents

Banned from scatter cushions...
Being much younger than my brothers (they all left home when I was 5) meant that I had to play on my own. One day when I was about 7, I was pretending to be a cat, creeping around the house, stalking imaginary prey. I finally pounced, killed and ate my imaginary rat (i.e. jumped on and wrestled with a cushion then stuffed it under my jumper). I then went to sit in front of the electric fire for a sleep (still in cat-mode). My mother came in to the lounge, saw me lying on the floor and went ballistic. Shaking all over; her red face inches from mine, 'You're pretending to have a baby aren't you. You're giving birth aren't you. Give me that cushion; give me that cushion; don't you dare play this again. You are not having cushions again'(slap). Despite protesting that I was pretending to be a cat. I was not allowed near a cushion for a long, long time.
(Sat 10th Mar 2007, 14:40, More)

» Stupid Colleagues

where do I begin..
I had lent someone in work the book 'shockwave', which was left on their desk. This prompted a colleague to ask a number of questions such as:
*what's this about? (american bombing of nagasaki & hiroshima)
*when? (august 1945)
*why? (edited story of WWII...ten minutes later)
Then the realisation:
* oh, why do you call it World War 2? (O_O...because there was a world war 1)
* why? (assassination, serious balkan standoff, toys thrown out of pram, all hell brakes loose on the continent)
*when? (1914 - 18)
* so when was the titanic? (1912) oh... I wasn't born then (O_O)
* where is it? (produced A4 scale map of world from diary and pointed to a piece of blue sea off the newfoundland)
* that's not far away I could row there, look it's close to ireland (you realise that this is a scale map of the world don't you?)
*what does that mean? (flashback to father ted)

this was the same person who asked if dinosaurs used axes...

So many stories - they was 17.....
(Thu 3rd Mar 2011, 20:55, More)

» Tightwads

Back in the day......story number 2
When my parents had economy 7 heating installed, my father made sure that I wouldn't know how to override the hot water controls by hiding the switch. If I wanted a bath or shower after 8am in the morning, I had to say 'dad, can I have a bath/shower in an hour please?' I was then told to stand in my bedroom so I could not see where my father was going, where the override switch was or how to use it.....
(Sun 26th Oct 2008, 8:20, More)

» Tightwads

Back in the day...story number 1
My father used to go to bed earlier than my mum (I have never known her to sleep before midnight). Before he ascended the stairs, he removed selected fuses from the fusebox, and took them to bed with him so that my mother and my brothers wouldn't use any electricity after he had gone to bed.

One of many acts of thriftyness that will not be adopted by the martin's moneysaving website....
(Thu 23rd Oct 2008, 20:04, More)

» Presents

it's the thought that counts....
I was once given an indian cookery book in an old shoe box by a boyfriend who hated any spicy food. His family gave me a set of bathroom scales, a set of size 16 underwear (I was size 10 at the time) and a frying pan.
(Thu 26th Nov 2009, 23:23, More)