» Personal Ads

Chatroom romance
I haven't really made up a "Personal ad" ive just chatted away to people in the world of tinternet chat rooms, not really been looking for any form of relationship but now and again its happened and dear readers this is one story of many i have to tell . . .

I was new to the world of the internet, bought myself a rather slow PC that you could play any sort of PC game on it and starting up something like microsoft word would take an age but i had my computer and my internet connection and there was a world waiting for me outside of sunny small town scotland, as usual the realm of the chatroom drew me in and i was really enjoying myself chatting to people all over the uk and abroad (i still do)

Now i got very friendly with a woman somewhere down in the middle of england (cant remember where), we ended up chatting for hours in the chatroom and on messenger and we had a really good laugh with each other, i was in my mid 20s and she was mid 40s and divorced and we started falling for each other.

Now you may saying "Go on my son you've got yerself a MILF there wayheyyy!" but wait till ive finished . . .

So we started talking on the fone and she opened my eyes and popped my cherry of the world of cyber sex and phone sex, we talked more and more on the fone and racked up huge phones bills, she started asking things like "would i be a dad to her 3 kids", i said "their dads there dad and i couldn't replace him but i could be like a male role model for them" and she liked what i said and talked about other things blah blah blah, she started introducing me to her friends through messenger because i was in a low paid crappy job and could barley tide myself over week from week, so anyway i got on well with her friends and one day asked how one of her female friends was getting on as she was having a bit of trouble with her eldest son . . . BIG MISTAKE!!

She flipped her lid accusing me of fancying her best mate and that i should ask her myself since i was that interested and then maybe we could meet up and fuck etc etc all her words btw, and she promptly disappeared, so i txted her asking what was up, turns out she has a bit of a "jealously issue" anyway we talked it through and everything was ok but i should of heeded the signs of the things that were to come . . .

It started going down hill after that, at times it was like i was speaking to two different people but they were the same person, i really liked her but i was beginning to get a bit worried bout her sanity and then it happened, she started telling me that she was thinking of committing suicide, pills and drink, cutting wrists, driving high speed in to a wall, you name it she was thinking of doing it, now i was really getting worried about her but not just her but her kids as well, i would talk to her endlessly getting her to not dwell on things and to think bout the kids etc etc and things were going ok but . . .

I had to get out of this before it was too late, you might be thinking im a heartless bastard or very wise, frankly i couldn't care, i had shite of my own to deal with and hers was adding to the stress that i didnt need, dont get me wrong i help anyone out that i can but there was something that was making me think that she was doing it on purpose, so id feel sorry for her and stick around, she asked me if id move down to hers etc etc i said id think about it but in truth i was thinking of ways to get away from her not closer

I dont know how it happened but she started talking about commitment and things and how she wanted to be with me all the time, this was my green light, this was my chance to go free and let her down gently at the same time, how did i do it, how did i swing things in my favour when so much was against me? the RAF thats what! to cut an ever increasing story to a short but noble end i will explain quickly

I told her it wasnt really gonna happen the way she wanted because i was wanting a career in the RAF and unfortunately id be away for 8 months of the year i did love her (truly i did but i needed out) but it was a thing i had to do, my family's been in the forces for generations and due to family expectations i was to go in to the armed forces (which is all true apart from me having to go in to the armed forces) so we broke up amicably as much as you can promising to still be friends, a week passes and i get a phone call at the 3 in the morning, shes got the pills and drinks and is gonna take them says things like " i cant go on without you etc etc" but i had a feeling it was a last attempt to keep us together, so i talked to her best i could and after 2 hours she decided not to go through with it.

I didn't hear much from her after that, the odd circular joke email now and again was sent to me from her but we never spoke much after that (a change of messenger address helps after a month or two).

How is she doing now? i dont know and i want to keep it that way.

Next time i might tell you about meeting the married woman and how it split my foreskin!

{penis joke - length girth and soreness etc }
(Sat 15th Sep 2007, 18:06, More)

» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?

Ive Been Hit By a Golf Club
After reading Beastie's story i felt i had to write my story thats from the side of the hit person,

When i was hit by a 7 iron by my younger brother it didnt hurt, the sound of the thud when i was hit shocked me, the view of green grass in one eye and the view of everything red in the other like 3-D glasses was very strange as just above my left eye on the brow was spewing blood all down my face,

Long walk home back to grannys through the village was met by lots of shocked faces, what was the horrific thing i saw i hear you ask . . .

Well it was when my dad was wiping the wound clean and something grey came out when he was cleaning it (thought my brain was escaping because i was 10 at the time)

But the thing to top it off was when i saw the needle n thread moving across my vision while my eyebrow was being stiched up without anaesthetic because the local doc didnt have any in his surgery, my gran bless her, knew the local doc and didnt want me going to the local hospital incase anyone got in to trouble, so me being the little soldier i was i took the pain, im fecking 'ard i am!

(i fear needles and have been close to fainting when ever im jabbed by one now)
(Sat 23rd Jun 2007, 16:54, More)

» Insults

Surprised this hasn't been done . . .
Oooooo it looks just like a penis . . . but smaller.

I'd like to add no one has said this to me in relation to the size of my penis.

Length? im happy with what i have and so is your wife :P
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 13:45, More)

» Personal Ads

Teran
Toothless Wonder (you say "Oh toothless wonder what wisdom do you speak of" some guy said it when he farted and it stuck in my mind ever since, was funny, guess you had to be there at the time)
(Wed 19th Sep 2007, 14:36, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

I could but . . .
I would end up in court, got 3 years till i can spill the beans :(
(Sat 29th Sep 2007, 15:19, More)