b3ta.com user FredrickPendragon
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» Accidental animal cruelty

Should've named him Hoover
I've an ancient, decrepit dog named Trevor, who my family saved from the shelter when I was just a little Fredlet. That smelly mongrel, love him as I do, will consume ANYTHING that looks remotely edible.

This, of course, is irresistable to anyone that has seen his lively cajoling for a morsel of food.

Feeding him a grape was mildly amusing, as he just sort of rolled it around on his tongue trying to swallow it, but when the big lump insisted on trying one of those Listerine strip things that resemble a small piece of clingfilm, it was a sight to remember.

Making these odd "muff-huhhhh" noises, he loudly slapped his chops open and shut whilst shaking his head from side to side--the insanity peaked when the strip, plastered to his writhing tongue as it slowly dissolved, made contact with his nose as he flailed.

A loud sneeze echoed through the house as he propelled little globules of minty-mildew smelling dog saliva all over me and my bewildered housecat(who had just sauntered in).


Length? Well, depending on which strand of phlegmy saliva you're talking about, anywhere from eight to eighteen inches.

(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 20:25, More)

» * PFFT *

Mobile Fart Armoury
My mates and I continuously record our more tremorous trumps on our mobiles' "voice record" function, and get together at a later party and show off. I'm still working out a way to transfer these to the computer for exhibition all across the internets, but to no avail.

(Wed 18th Jul 2007, 23:18, More)