b3ta.com user El Lazarus
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» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

Doing Lines
Whilst a moody teenager, I was sat in McDonalds with my then-boyfriend and a load of mates. After we'd eaten, my chap and his best mate emptied some white powder onto the table and started chopping at it with their bank cards. Now, we were only 15 and I was a whiter-than-white good two shoes. There were a lot of mothers with young children sat around watching this horror unfold in a seemingly innocent family 'restaurant'. They arranged the powder into lines and, much to the onlookers horror, snorted it.

A few walked out in disgust, before they opened their hands to reveal sherbert straws. The tw@ts had only snorted sherbert. Which they regretted when they started foaming at the nose in an almost rabies-like manner.
(Fri 20th Jul 2007, 21:47, More)

» Will you go out with me?

Beans on Toast
I met my chap at Uni. Having finally got up the guts to leave abusive bumhole boy, this man was like a breath of fresh air. Not a bad bone in his body, kind and really funny.

Despite him being terrified of me at first because I appeared to be slightly crazy and he was very shy, he stuck at his steady wooing plan for the next month or so. This involved inviting me back to his halls to write up our labs together and soon extended to watching DVDs of a Friday afternoon when we were hungover and couldn't be arsed to go to our "Computing for Chemists" lectures.

We had a term of field trips lined up, which was when we were thrown back to being teenagers, as a mutual friend would run between us asking if we liked each other and all that guff. We spent a fair amount of time of those trips flirting and holding hands like school kids on the bus home. For the first time in years, I felt free and happy. However cheesy it sounds, he really did put a smile back on my face.

Within a few weeks, he'd invited me to come back home with him for a weekend and I'd accepted, feeling excited and having major butterflies in my stomach. We hadn't even kissed at this point, but I wanted to so badly. I can honestly say that I knew I wanted to be with him for a long time.

After beating about the bush for a month or so, he invited me over for tea after a late lecture, where he proceeded to cook me beans on toast. We ended up spending the night together and have been together ever since. 5 years in November!

So there you go, romance is indeed beans on toast.
(Sat 30th Aug 2008, 14:20, More)

» What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?

I often wonder...
...if my ex was trying to get dumped the whole 18 months we were together.

We first got together in the summer after I took my A Levels. He was a year older and told me he was taking a couple of years out to earn some money and decide what he wanted to do. At the beginning things were fantastic. He was so laid back I relaxed for the first time in years. We had such a good time together and spent a fair amount of that summer together.

After that, things just got progressively worse. I can't really put my finger on how it started, or even when I realised something was wrong, but my god I wish I'd realised sooner.

He was incredibly possessive, and after 6 months or so I guess you could say that he had alienated all of my real friends. Being blinded by love as I was, I didn't really notice. Which makes me sound terrible but I was head over heels with this guy. He loved being in control, particularly of me. He would pick and choose when he spoke to me, and I'm ashamed to say that I gave him the attention he wanted by chasing him to speak to me.

He told all of his friends private things about me that I had told him. He managed to turn every argument around so that I ended up in tears begging for forgiveness. He would lock me out of his house at 3am after a night out and leave me outside with no way to get home, as all of my things were inside. He would treat me like a naughty child, and on several nights out he ragged on me all night and I eventually was a sobbing wreck, which was my fault and he dragged me out of the club hissing under his breath that I was an embarassment.

He refused to get a job for ages, sponging off me when I was earning minimum wage and saving for uni myself. When he did get a job, he often refused to go in, or went in late. He would claim to be meeting me for lunch and often left me waiting in the bus stop for my whole lunch break. He never turned up.

When I went to uni, he truly snapped. He wouldn't let me out the house some days and others I knew it wasn't worth the hassle to argue, so I'd stay home. One day I couldn't get a response from him and for some reason I rushed home, where he still wouldn't speak to me and then he went to work til midnight, leaving me worrying and panicking all evening. I got a text mid-evening telling me things had changed, he was still the same but I had changed and something had to give. Obviously I spent the whole night worrying.

I'm not a spineless person, I had just been reduced to this quivering, obedient little girl and I was completely at his will. He eventually took to hitting me. Not much at first, but one day he hit me so hard I fell off the bed and hit the cupboard. I actually saw red and hit him back, but he turned that round too so it was my fault and I wa a terrible person for hitting him.

I couldn't see anyone. I tried to go to the cinema one night with the mother of my godson, who he had known for longer than I had, but he kicked up so much of a fuss I didn't get round to going, it was too late after the row he created. The final straw came when I was chatting on the phone to my uni mate and he threw an absolute shitfit and kicked me out of the house.

We split up for a while and then stupidly got back together for a month or so. But it didn't really work. I went round to break up with him for good ad he insisted on one last 'shag'. He 'made love' to me whilst I lay there crying my heart out.

I was so messed up by him and I don't even know why I put up with it. I can be a right gobby so and so when I want to and used to have a fairly firey temper. He took my confidence and my dignity and I have to say I hate him. It's hard to describe the constant depression and lonliness I felt whilst with him, but I swear he must have been trying to get dumped. It's his style, he's a coward of the highest order.
(Tue 10th Jun 2008, 21:46, More)

» Customers from Hell

10 feet glass windows
I used to work for Argos. Which was actually an ok job, if you can handle being shouted at a lot.

There was one moment of amusing-ness, which happened whilst I was working late to sort out the Christmas displays. As we all know, sometimes when you've been on the drink, the need to pee consumes all corners of your brain until you can think of nothing else. I can only assume that this is what happened to one chap one night.

We had 10 feet high glass windows all along the front of our store. This guy came and whipped his pecker out, right in front of the window I and a colleague were working on and proceeded to relieve himself all over it. He was completely oblivious of our presence until he had finished, when it was like a bulb went off in his brain. He looked up slowly, whilst we stood there grinning at him and my colleague waved her pinky finger at him.

He ran away pretty quickly.
(Sun 7th Sep 2008, 20:12, More)

» Customers from Hell

ID Please
Sorry, another one. They're all coming screaming back to me!

This one again comes from when I was a checkout girl. I was working one evening and it was fairly close to closing time. This meant that there were only 3 of us left on checkouts. I was down on the very end till by the door (which was apparently supposed to be against policy, what with me being a girly) and the other two were up near the other end, where the supervisor stand was. This wasn't a problem, I had peace and quiet and most customers didn't notice me. (Although I did have to put up with "The Feeling" music blasting from the AV aisle.)

Anyway, this girl came through my checkout to buy a bottle of wine. She looked fairly young, so I asked her for ID. It's best not to risk it, what with a possible court appearance and hefty fine. She turned round and shouted to her mum. Fair enough, thinks I, her mum has her purse of something.

"Sorry," I say, apologising for the 'inconvenience'. She ignores me and shouts again to her mum.

"Mum, come here, this fucking cow wants to see my ID".

I was pretty shocked. Not sure I deserved abuse. She turned back to me and the tirade started.

"I'm 20-fucking-5. Ask my mum. She'll tell you. Who the fuck do you think you are? I've been old enough to drink for 7 years and now you're refusing to sell it to me? What a fucking disgrace," blah blah blah. While she's shouting she's leaning closer and closer to me and I'm starting to get a little nervous. I reach down to turn my 'help' light on and look up to check it's turned on. Fuck. It's broken. As I've looked up, she's interpreted that as me rolling my eyes.

"Don't roll your fucking eyes and me you stupid fucking bitch." I tried to explain that I wasn't but I might as well have not bothered.

After what seems like a lifetime, her mum comes over.

"Mum, tell this bitch how old I am." Now, most mothers would surely not condone this abuse? Her mother didn't bat an eyelid as she replied.

"What's all this? She wants ID? But you're 24."

I don't know where I got the guts up to speak, because I was on the verge of tears. But I heard myself saying, "But you said you were 25..." That probably wasn't the best move I've ever made. I then had both of them on at me, when at last the supervisor realised what was happening and had them removed.

Seriously, what is wrong with some people?
(Sun 7th Sep 2008, 21:36, More)
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