» School Days

my bruised balls
I was part of my school's year 9 county championship winning rugby side.

As the school wasnt known for its sporting acheivements despite now being a specialist sports college they decided to have a special assembly. in this assembly some footage of highlights of the tournement recorded by parents was edited together and shown followed by a medal presentation infront of the whole school.

The footage was edited together amazingly in slow motion to show the team scoring tries and kicking conversions. It was then scored with a peice of classical music making the whole thing look like a glorious bbc sports montage. everyone was made to look good even the kids who hardly touched the ball... all that is apart from me apart from me.

My only appearence on the film was me getting kicked square in the balls and falling to the floor crying, in slow motion, everytime i hear the new world symphony to this day it still conjours up that image in my mind.

As if this wasnt bad enough the team were then called up one by one to collect our medals, as i walked up to shake the headmasters hand he lent over and whispered in my ear "Your flies are down son. If i was you i'd do them up before you turn round."

meaning the whole school saw the following i shake the head's hand, he whispers in my ear, i look down, fiddle with my crotch, accept my medal then turn round to see the whole school looking at me in shock.

Apparently the rumour going round was he'd asked if id bruised my balls and i was getting them out to show him.

not my proudest moment but no doubt what many people remember me for.
(Thu 29th Jan 2009, 19:42, More)