b3ta.com user court escaper
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» "You're doing it wrong"

that's really funny *clicks*
(Wed 21st Jul 2010, 17:56, More)

» Cross Dressing

a uni story.... (/unlurk)
aren't they all?

way back in my second year of uni, the friday night union party ran themes, and one week the theme was cross dressing. given that i'd done every theme that term, i wasnt about to shirk now, depsite being a chunky, hairy sort who should never been seen in a skirt.

i'll set the picture... the world's shortest white rar-ra skirt, and a top several sizes too small. unshaved legs, and topped off with trainers, in a look lily allen has since stolen. one wig and a bit of lippy later, i was a confirmed "15 pinter" according to all my mates.

ok, so blokes didnt go for me, but girls sure as hell did... all night i couldn't keep random ladies hands off me, much to the disdain of the then-girlfriend, and much to my own surprise (female attention not being something i'm known for).

one girl was particularly attentive, not that i minded, she was very cute.. however she went too far and started trying to unzip my skirt while i was queueing for the bar, and in a moment of sudden clarity that i'm incredibly proud of given a) my drunken state and b) the quality of the line, i turned to her and said

"i'm sorry, i'm just not that kind of girl"

her disappointment was palpable.
(Tue 20th Mar 2007, 10:52, More)

» Bodge Jobs

If you can't fix it with a hammer, then it is an electrical problem.
(Sat 12th Mar 2011, 12:48, More)

» Personal Hygiene

an old girlfriend...
was less than brilliant on this front, but i was young and wrapped up in her so i tried to be subtle. "i'll make breakfast... you relax and have a nice shower.", "tough day.... let me run you a bath" etc etc. none of it seemed to work.

what did work was having 11 pints of lager and venting my spleen at her about it for 10 minutes*. after she started talking to me again, all was well. until she turned into a maniac some time later, but that's another QOTW

*my memory of this is somewhat hazy, but i'm told i was harsh.. if you call "fking smelly bitch" harsh...
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 13:08, More)

» Churches, temples and holy places

the vatican
So, a couple of years ago i found myself in Rome, and went to have a potter round the vatican, as you do.

i wandered off and ended up in a bit you're not supposed to be in, from which i was removed. the quickest removal route apparently being out of a side entrance into rome

chucked out of a holy site, AND deported from a soveriegn nation in one fell swoop

(Thu 1st Sep 2011, 23:46, More)
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