» Family Holidays

My One And Only Holiday in France
Was a school trip when I was in year nine, (15 I think).

I was a vegatarian at the time, (this is going back ten years, so you can imagine the amount of food avialable to me!). So my first encounter with the worl renowned French cookery skills gave me food poisoning.

That in itself was bad enough, but this was the night that we had decided to sneak girls into our hotel room, (we were kept on different floors of the hotel). Cue me needing to be in the shitter most of the night making a complete arse of myself. Now, thinking it couildn't get much worse I decide to leave the toilet, to try and get some action - only the door wont open. The fucking thing is jammed and no one can get it open - meaning we now need to alert a teacher to get me out of the damn toilet, (whilst somehow trying to hide 4 girls who shouldn't be there).

Now, if that was all that happened to me in France, I might be inclinded to go back, HOWEVER a few days later we were visting Mt St Michel and Saint Malo, (very nice looking fortified village). I go up on the great big wall that surrounds said village,doing the tourist thing and taking pictures, when I'm grabbed by this drunk French homeless person and held over the edge of the wall! (It's about 20ft), sceaming at me in what I assumed to be French, (the only French words I'd attempted until this point was "un Cherry Coke please, er that one" - whilst pointing and rasing my voice, which is as good as speaking the language).

Luckily, somewhere from the back of my mind I manage to pull the words for "I don't understand, I'm English" and "HELP!", at which point he lets go and his girlfriend comes over and explains that he thought we were taking photgraphs of him, (WTF!?).

Closer inspection of the holiday snaps shows the guy walking towards me, so I suppose technically he was right.

The only decent thing to come out of the holiday was rigging a game of strip poker, which kinda made up for the near murder. Suffice to say, I've not been back since and don't plan on it anytime soon!
(Sun 5th Aug 2007, 13:38, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

In Store Technician
A few years back I worked as an in store technician for a, (well, the only), high street retailer man that was a great job!

If I was on the late shift, I'd spend the first half of my morning smoking pot then when I finally got to work I'd spend the day pretending to install RAM, getting the key timers to do my bidding.

I once wiped the restore partition on some fuck wits PC for trying to act smart in front of his girlfriend.

We used to steal peoples MP3's and movies whilst checking over the PC.

I'd sell people upgrades they didn't need.

Basically we'd spend the day doing bugger all and getting paid more than anyone else in the shop.

God I miss that job sometimes.
(Sun 30th Sep 2007, 12:35, More)