» Impulse buys

In the name of cuteness.
They where just there, staring at me. Wishing to be bought. Their little beady eyes and wriggly noses spoke to me. "Buy me, cunt." They said and so I did.

Sadly the male (coloured) passed away a bit ago so Pudding the albino needs me to buy her a new friend.



I didn't factor in that Im a student, finished now and having a ferret sort of makes it harder to find places to live it seems.
(Sun 24th May 2009, 13:35, More)

» I witnessed a crime

Just seen this one.
Ok be warned this isnt to amazing or funny but it made my walk to uni so much more happy (hello sunshine!)

Was walking down our high street through town and saw a bunch of the chaviest chavs i have ever seen messing about a bit in front of me "Fucks sake" thinks I "Cant they just all die?". But hold on, they have stopped messing about to watch something happening across the street *turns head to watch*

Across the street 4 burly policeman have cornered what I can only assume are the chavs friend, who appears to be arguing and trying to wheedle his way out of whatevers happening, all the time also trying to act hard in front of his mates.

He starts to look angry.
He starts doing what I assume makes him look hard to his mates but looks to me like a fit.
He punches the window of the shop he's cornered next to.

*Bam*

These four coppers grab him, charge a fair few meters down the street with him pushed in front and smash him into a wall, bend him over and cuff the little git.

At this point I saw him looking my way, hopefully at me, so I give him a smirk so large my head almost falls of before continuing on my way in the sunshine, a skip now in my step.

Good job cops!
(Mon 18th Feb 2008, 14:33, More)

» Evil Pranks

Sort of a prank...
One of my favourite things to do is to get lots of extra hot chili's, some chili powder and some tesco value(tm) vodka and mix them together in the bottle and leave it for a few days in the sun, liberally shaking every now and again. After a few days, sieve out the stuff so you have this orange glowing vodka in a bottle and wait till your next house party, once a number of friends are drunk enough to not really care what they are drinking, offer them a shot of Orange/special/whatever flavoured vodka and sit back and watch the show.

I learned this prank by been on the recieving end myself so I know what its like, its like drinking fiery napalm, it hurts like hell.

For extra fun, make sure multiple people do it at once so the resulting stampede for the sink means certain people will be waiting for a while, possibly screaming.
(Mon 17th Dec 2007, 12:46, More)

» Tramps

York has quite a few.
So I shall be doing my best to think of them all for this. However some that come to mind.

Mr Round-the-corner-from-the-station:
Does the usual lines and so on. "Spare us some change mate?" etc, however one nice sunny day he apparantly was in a crafty mood. He decided to appeal to your softer, fluffier side with a well prepared and thought out line.

Him - "Spare some change mate?"
Me - "Na, sorry mate."
Him - "Do you like cats?"
Me - "..."
Him - "I had a cat once..."

I gave him a quid for the pure random-ness of it.

Miss WHATTHEFUCK - Im still not 100% sure of this but Im pretty sure it was a Miss. You'd see it walking around sometimes, feet wrapped in Tesco bags, dirty old skirt and a bright orange, dirty as hell bomber jacket with no arms on along with dirty green beanie hat. Not too different tramp wise in itself but she had a FUCKING MASSIVE BEARD. I mean seriously, Santa would lay down his sled and bow down to this massive, great grey wiry bastard.

Mr Happy (He actually had this on a name tag): Not as such a tramp, he was a Big Issue seller outside the train station that seems to have sadly dissapeared, he was always dressed in brightly coloured clothes and had obviously done a bit too many drugs in the past. He would greet every one with a huge giant HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO and offer his Big Issue vending abilities. I'd usually talk to him and he'd fall into step besides me for a quick chat as I went to work inside the stations coffee shop. However there was twice that he showed his darker, 'Im-fucking-sick-of-people-ignoring-me' side.

Scene one - A mother with her baby asleep in a pram come past. "HELLOOOOOOO LOVELY DAY!" he goes at her. She just makes a face and signs that the baby is asleep, kindly shut up and fuck of and continues walking past. He turns round to face her retreating back and simply yells. "I BET IT ISN'T EVEN SLEEPING, ITS PROBABLY DEAD." then continues to greet other people happily.

Scene two - Im talking to him and 3 women in that full body Muslim stocking (Hijab?) walk past, he greets them and they soundly ignore him. He turns to me and simply goes "Ah its ok, probably lucky we are outside the station." (they where heading inside) "They're probably bombers."

I miss him :(
(Sat 4th Jul 2009, 14:57, More)

» Pointless Experiments

Afro test.
One of my friends (Emman) is Filipino in origin, but has lived in England the majority of his life and I grew up with him basically Now his hair naturally goes into a rather loose affro, which while looking hilarious and being fun to stroke also allowed us to conduct an experiment one bored day at school.

How many pencils can we fit in Emmans hair?

We started with a few coloured pencils we all had, half expecting them to just fall out.

Having ran out of those, we fetched more from the stock cupboard.

Having ran out of those we got some from some other rooms.

About half an hour later we had it, it was a coloured, curled masterpiece of childish construction and boredom.

86 coloured pencils sticking out from all angles of his hair!

Another lunch time well spent I felt.
(Tue 29th Jul 2008, 1:07, More)