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» Well, that taught 'em
Ice-creamy goodness, £3.89.
I like nice food. When in the supermarket I will buy nice food, so I can enjoy it later, it tastes better than the Value stuff, bar a few exceptions. One housemate I was sharing with also liked my nice food and would liberally help himself to it, which was fine, ocassionally. The housemate however, was quite a tall lad, and his capacity for devouring it far outstripped my budget for aquiring quality comestibles. This would extend to dishes that I had prepared for myself, for lunches or dinners the following days.
I mentioned this to him and he did apologise, and promised to get some shopping in, which after days of nagging, he did not. On the rare days I had seen him arrive home with shopping bags, they usually contained assorted Value goods and bizarrely, packet upon packet of the really shit jelly with the transparent wrapper, so had the goods been replaced, they would have been of a significantly lower quality. However, more time elapsed and the shop was not done.
On surveying the contents of his cupboards for replacement food, I found a stack of Value tuna, some Value tomato soup, some packets of Value jelly and half a packet of lentils, despite the fact he recently came into some money. (In the form of a ten grand claim and a promising, lucrative new career in drag.) Tight, selfish bastard, I thought. Even more so as I had the girlfriend over for the weekend and have nothing to make us for tea. So I trundle back to the supermarket to purchase more food.
I pick up supplies for myself and the girlfriend, and also a large tub of Ben and Jerrys Cookie Dough. We spend the evening eating ice-cream and watching TV and finish the tub, which we leave by the side of the sofa to retire to bed for a little while. After 'doing the romance', we surveying the post-sex debris scattered across my bedroom floor. There are four used condoms. We retrieve the now jizz-filled rubbers and put them in the Ben and Jerrys tub. We go to the freezer and find some Value ice-cream. I put some in the tub with the condoms, along with some milk, and mash it all up. I push the condoms to the bottom of the tub and put the tub in the freezer for a while. We go back to bed.
I find the housemate is looking in the freezer, mumbling "Oh, Ben and Jerrys" as I nip to the kitchen for a glass of water. "There's some left, help yourself" I reply as I retire to bed. I checked out the tub shortly after, he'd made a good start on it before he lost his appetite. Yeow!
That'll teach the greedy bastard.
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 13:59, More)
Ice-creamy goodness, £3.89.
I like nice food. When in the supermarket I will buy nice food, so I can enjoy it later, it tastes better than the Value stuff, bar a few exceptions. One housemate I was sharing with also liked my nice food and would liberally help himself to it, which was fine, ocassionally. The housemate however, was quite a tall lad, and his capacity for devouring it far outstripped my budget for aquiring quality comestibles. This would extend to dishes that I had prepared for myself, for lunches or dinners the following days.
I mentioned this to him and he did apologise, and promised to get some shopping in, which after days of nagging, he did not. On the rare days I had seen him arrive home with shopping bags, they usually contained assorted Value goods and bizarrely, packet upon packet of the really shit jelly with the transparent wrapper, so had the goods been replaced, they would have been of a significantly lower quality. However, more time elapsed and the shop was not done.
On surveying the contents of his cupboards for replacement food, I found a stack of Value tuna, some Value tomato soup, some packets of Value jelly and half a packet of lentils, despite the fact he recently came into some money. (In the form of a ten grand claim and a promising, lucrative new career in drag.) Tight, selfish bastard, I thought. Even more so as I had the girlfriend over for the weekend and have nothing to make us for tea. So I trundle back to the supermarket to purchase more food.
I pick up supplies for myself and the girlfriend, and also a large tub of Ben and Jerrys Cookie Dough. We spend the evening eating ice-cream and watching TV and finish the tub, which we leave by the side of the sofa to retire to bed for a little while. After 'doing the romance', we surveying the post-sex debris scattered across my bedroom floor. There are four used condoms. We retrieve the now jizz-filled rubbers and put them in the Ben and Jerrys tub. We go to the freezer and find some Value ice-cream. I put some in the tub with the condoms, along with some milk, and mash it all up. I push the condoms to the bottom of the tub and put the tub in the freezer for a while. We go back to bed.
I find the housemate is looking in the freezer, mumbling "Oh, Ben and Jerrys" as I nip to the kitchen for a glass of water. "There's some left, help yourself" I reply as I retire to bed. I checked out the tub shortly after, he'd made a good start on it before he lost his appetite. Yeow!
That'll teach the greedy bastard.
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 13:59, More)
» Get Rich Quick
Post an ad on Gumtree...
...and wait for the offers to roll in:
belfast.gumtree.com/belfast/65/26888865.html
(Fri 1st Aug 2008, 6:03, More)
Post an ad on Gumtree...
...and wait for the offers to roll in:
belfast.gumtree.com/belfast/65/26888865.html
(Fri 1st Aug 2008, 6:03, More)
» Food sabotage
Cheap VS Expensive Ice Cream
Sitting eating a tub of fancy cookie dough ice-cream with then girlfriend in front of the TV when the bastard housemate asks if we'll leave her some. We answer "Yeah, 'course", which goes in one ear and out the other as we take the ice-cream to bed with us. The ice-cream is eventually used up over the next little while and shortly after we remember we had promised to leave a little for said bastard housemate. As the coast was clear downstairs, a quick look in the freezer turned up some value branded ice-cream we could try passing off as the original. While replacing the empty tub about a quarter full we remember what a shit the housemate is, so decided to throw the four used condoms from the bedroom in along with the poor quality ice-cream, mix with a little milk and mash/stir for a minute to give a good even consistency, being sure to push any exposed condom near the bottom of the tub.
Leave in the freezer and back to bed.
Nipped back into the kitchen after a little while to find the other housemate (the nice one) a bit surprised to find some rubber in the ice-cream he didn't think we'd mind him finishing. Hilarity ensued. It took quite some time to calm him down afterwards, explaining that it wasn't intended for him, and the small detail that prevented him going over the edge being that it "they weren't used condoms, that's just disgusting."
The funny thing was he didn't realise it wasn't the expensive brand till he dug a rubber one out with his spoon. One would assume then that if you were to find a tub of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough in someone else's fridge, you could eat it yourself, replace it with Tesco Value vanilla and some jizz and they'd be none the wiser.
.
(Sun 21st Sep 2008, 7:18, More)
Cheap VS Expensive Ice Cream
Sitting eating a tub of fancy cookie dough ice-cream with then girlfriend in front of the TV when the bastard housemate asks if we'll leave her some. We answer "Yeah, 'course", which goes in one ear and out the other as we take the ice-cream to bed with us. The ice-cream is eventually used up over the next little while and shortly after we remember we had promised to leave a little for said bastard housemate. As the coast was clear downstairs, a quick look in the freezer turned up some value branded ice-cream we could try passing off as the original. While replacing the empty tub about a quarter full we remember what a shit the housemate is, so decided to throw the four used condoms from the bedroom in along with the poor quality ice-cream, mix with a little milk and mash/stir for a minute to give a good even consistency, being sure to push any exposed condom near the bottom of the tub.
Leave in the freezer and back to bed.
Nipped back into the kitchen after a little while to find the other housemate (the nice one) a bit surprised to find some rubber in the ice-cream he didn't think we'd mind him finishing. Hilarity ensued. It took quite some time to calm him down afterwards, explaining that it wasn't intended for him, and the small detail that prevented him going over the edge being that it "they weren't used condoms, that's just disgusting."
The funny thing was he didn't realise it wasn't the expensive brand till he dug a rubber one out with his spoon. One would assume then that if you were to find a tub of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough in someone else's fridge, you could eat it yourself, replace it with Tesco Value vanilla and some jizz and they'd be none the wiser.
.
(Sun 21st Sep 2008, 7:18, More)