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» Devastating Put-Downs
Pick up line
Not mine but one of my mates when we were youngers lads, he would siddle up to a young fillie in on or another southampton dive and ask in his best brummy brogue "do you fancy me love ?"
when she invariable said no he would reply "thats strange the ugly ones usually do."
(Tue 29th Nov 2011, 14:04, More)
Pick up line
Not mine but one of my mates when we were youngers lads, he would siddle up to a young fillie in on or another southampton dive and ask in his best brummy brogue "do you fancy me love ?"
when she invariable said no he would reply "thats strange the ugly ones usually do."
(Tue 29th Nov 2011, 14:04, More)
» Famous people I hate
Too much vitriol starting to have trouble breathing
I generally lurk but this forces me to join in.
Jamie Oliver: My family understand that my funerial wishes when I die are to be cremated and my ashes thrown into the irritaing Mockney twat.
Pete Docherty/Amy Winehouse: showing my age didn't we used to send people who with drugs to prison not the front pages of a red top comic.
Gerrard/Carrager: dirty redshite scum.
Rhianna: your boyfriend didn't beat you hard enough you vile waste of space, oh and by the way you are from Leeds not Jamaica where did your accent come from.
Robbie Williams: Is he gay is he not , don't care he is a complete twat.
Simon Cowell: There is enough evil in the world for you not to have to exist.
Bon Jovi: The silk cut extra light of rock, for people who still like to think they listen to rock.
THe entire cast of friend: I will only watch the reunion if it is in chernobyl without anti rad suits, "why is chandlers hair falling out?" beause he is dying.
Celine dion: shut the fuck up hobag.
Oprah + Tom Cruise: Just die
OK and I feel much better have a good weekend.
(Fri 5th Feb 2010, 17:05, More)
Too much vitriol starting to have trouble breathing
I generally lurk but this forces me to join in.
Jamie Oliver: My family understand that my funerial wishes when I die are to be cremated and my ashes thrown into the irritaing Mockney twat.
Pete Docherty/Amy Winehouse: showing my age didn't we used to send people who with drugs to prison not the front pages of a red top comic.
Gerrard/Carrager: dirty redshite scum.
Rhianna: your boyfriend didn't beat you hard enough you vile waste of space, oh and by the way you are from Leeds not Jamaica where did your accent come from.
Robbie Williams: Is he gay is he not , don't care he is a complete twat.
Simon Cowell: There is enough evil in the world for you not to have to exist.
Bon Jovi: The silk cut extra light of rock, for people who still like to think they listen to rock.
THe entire cast of friend: I will only watch the reunion if it is in chernobyl without anti rad suits, "why is chandlers hair falling out?" beause he is dying.
Celine dion: shut the fuck up hobag.
Oprah + Tom Cruise: Just die
OK and I feel much better have a good weekend.
(Fri 5th Feb 2010, 17:05, More)
» I'm glad nobody saw me
Fire + idiot = panic
I was a young lad of about 13 and already a smoker, which unsurprisingly was not knowledge my parents at the time were privvy to, the aforementioned parents were out for the night and I was on my own in the house and had decided that there was a decent enough window to get drunk before they came home, a feat I had quite well achived by about 9pm. In a drunken state I decided that I needed a crafty smoke outside of the house, to do this all that I needed was to fill my zippo, luckly the lighter fluid is in the empty stone floored larder. In my rather cidered state I go about refiling the lighter, at which point I proceed to zone out for a while overfilling the lighter and pouring fluid on the floor. Brain being on holiday I then test the lighter setting fire to both hands, which in a shock causes me to drop the lighter setting fire to my socks and feet. The human torch runs from the larder through the kitchen and out into the garden afraid of leaving drunken firey footprints as he goes. Finally I make it to the garden and whilst every logical part of my brain should be say roll in the grass it is now saying pond and yep I listen and jump into the about three foot deep pond, (nicely pucturing the lino inside) leaving me thrashing like a one of the fish I have depoisited out of the pond onto the grass finally finishing with the coup de grass (tee-hee) of launching the apple tainted contents of my stomach onto our lawn. As I haul myself out of the pond and sit up to ascertain what damage I have managed to do to myself (thankfully little) and the pond (not so little, sorry fish) I make sure that no one in the ajoining houses have seen their darkness pierced by the worlds most stupid firework, luckly I had not, it was at this point I remembered the larder and comically lumber-ran back into the house.
(Wed 2nd Feb 2011, 16:48, More)
Fire + idiot = panic
I was a young lad of about 13 and already a smoker, which unsurprisingly was not knowledge my parents at the time were privvy to, the aforementioned parents were out for the night and I was on my own in the house and had decided that there was a decent enough window to get drunk before they came home, a feat I had quite well achived by about 9pm. In a drunken state I decided that I needed a crafty smoke outside of the house, to do this all that I needed was to fill my zippo, luckly the lighter fluid is in the empty stone floored larder. In my rather cidered state I go about refiling the lighter, at which point I proceed to zone out for a while overfilling the lighter and pouring fluid on the floor. Brain being on holiday I then test the lighter setting fire to both hands, which in a shock causes me to drop the lighter setting fire to my socks and feet. The human torch runs from the larder through the kitchen and out into the garden afraid of leaving drunken firey footprints as he goes. Finally I make it to the garden and whilst every logical part of my brain should be say roll in the grass it is now saying pond and yep I listen and jump into the about three foot deep pond, (nicely pucturing the lino inside) leaving me thrashing like a one of the fish I have depoisited out of the pond onto the grass finally finishing with the coup de grass (tee-hee) of launching the apple tainted contents of my stomach onto our lawn. As I haul myself out of the pond and sit up to ascertain what damage I have managed to do to myself (thankfully little) and the pond (not so little, sorry fish) I make sure that no one in the ajoining houses have seen their darkness pierced by the worlds most stupid firework, luckly I had not, it was at this point I remembered the larder and comically lumber-ran back into the house.
(Wed 2nd Feb 2011, 16:48, More)