b3ta.com user ninja chinchilla
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» Crazy Relatives

Slightly eccentric rather than barking mad
One of my aunts talks to wheelie bins.

Another aunt.....

- shaves off her eyebrows and pencils them in....badly;

- bought me cologne for Christmas (I'm female). It was that '50p at the market' stuff too. My cousin got a better present of an umbrella. Shame he's permenantly on crutches.

- has grown her fringe and has it piled up on top of her head so she looks like Mr Whippy.

- is still convinced 70s wide collars are in fashion and wears black tights with white sandals.

- her jaw starts moving a good 5 seconds before her voice decides to kick in, like a badly dubbed kung fu film.

But the nuttiest relative has got to be my late grandad. Examples include.....

- playing hide and seek with me and my cousins wearing a balaclava and dark sunglasses (I have photographic proof of this).

- throwing a stepladder out of an upstairs window because he couldn't be arsed to carry them downstairs. Broke the steps and most of my nan's flowers.

- going swimming in the sea on a family outing, wearing white pants because he didn't have his swimmers. They went seethrough.

- walloping my dad over the head with a wooden mallett for a laugh. Something to do with keeping his troops in line when he was in the army in WWII.

- insisting that Taboo was a new kind of squash and gave it to me and my cousins (I was about 7 or 8 at the time).

I miss the mad old git.
(Thu 5th Jul 2007, 20:12, More)

» Creepy!

Ghostwatch 'documentary'
For those who have no idea....


It terrified the crap out of me, not realising that it was fictional and being an impressionable 14 year old. Looks like they fooled most of the population too, so I'm in good company.
(Sun 10th Apr 2011, 0:29, More)

» Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Kinda relevant....
My grandparents had a 13 year age gap. Not bad considering it was the 1940s.

The only everso slightly odd thing about it was that 10 days before the wedding my nan turned 17....and 10 days after the wedding my grandad turned 30. Five months after the wedding my uncle was born (shotgun, anyone?)

The marriage lasted 60 years so the age difference couldn't have bothered them that much.
(Tue 9th Dec 2008, 18:34, More)

» Your first cigarette

Never have.....for 3 reasons
1. It gives you a cats arse mouth (i.e. the lines around the mouth as seen on 40/50 yr old female smokers); and

2. If you're unlucky enough to get mouth cancer, to remove it quite often they have to split your jaw like something out of Blade 2.

3. So I don't end up looking like my aunt who is in her 50s and looks at least 80, thanks to 40 years of chainsmoking.
(Wed 19th Mar 2008, 21:40, More)

» The Police II

My first (and only) 999 call.
I (unfortunately) live about 100 yards from a large nightclub. During the day it's a rather pleasant area to live in, but it soon changes when it comes to kicking-out time at said nightclub.

Anyway, one night, about 3.30am (bloody school night too), a big group of lads and lasses have convened right outside my flat. 2 of the lads are squaring up to each other, one of them with a ripped t-shirt. Now usually I'd let the little scrotes carry on and knock seven bells out of each other but that was until one of them shouted 'I'll stab you in the f*cking neck'. I thought this was probably going a little too far so I dialled 999, asked for the police and got......

'You are now in a queue. Please hold the line'.

WTF?!? I almost expected to be told that my call was very important to them!

I ended up hanging up but they did call back within a minute but by that time a whole riot van of police had turned up and the lads were suddenly best mates. Twats.
(Thu 12th May 2011, 0:20, More)
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