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» Pathological Liars
Liar or Drunk?
I’m not sure if this guy was a pathological liar or if it was a side effect of his alcoholism but his exploits around Teesside have become legendary. He’s Boro’s most famous tramp and drop-out, although, to be honest, I’m not sure if he’s dead or alive
He did time for manslaughter many years ago - he was lodging at a mates and was caught rogering his wife and in the ensuing scrap he cracked him over the head with the open fire poker. He was also in trouble in the late 70's although I don’t remember the exact details. I used to drink with an old boy in a local pub who went to school with him - he reckons that he was normal at school and early adult years but pretends to be daft for an easy life.
He used to regularly impress the magistrates with his tales of why he was drunk and disorderly and would usually be fined 1p less than the amount of money he had in his pocket.
Magistrate, "Mr xxxxxx we find you guilty".
Ronnie, "Right"
Magistrate, "how much money have you got”
Ronnie "29p"
Magistrate, "fined 28p"
He would like to tell the court to hurry up because he was on the first tee with the Chief Constable at 2.30pm (in his poshest voice) and he even turned up at court once in red silk ladies hot pants.
He once told me on a bus that Joan Collins was waiting for him in a room in the Dragonara (local hotel)
On another occasion I saw him sat on a bench in Albert Park with his feet placed neatly on a square foot of carpet he'd found somewhere. He was smoking and drinking and looking pleased with himself as usual and I asked him how he was. He said "I'll be a lot better when my furniture arrives."
It was great fun watching him molesting unsuspecting students, for the price of a ‘cup of tea’; not so good when he caught you for 50p. I remember seeing him near the Trooper. He had a small tree over his shoulder and was explaining that he was the new man in the Duchess of York's life.
(Fri 30th Nov 2007, 14:13, More)
Liar or Drunk?
I’m not sure if this guy was a pathological liar or if it was a side effect of his alcoholism but his exploits around Teesside have become legendary. He’s Boro’s most famous tramp and drop-out, although, to be honest, I’m not sure if he’s dead or alive
He did time for manslaughter many years ago - he was lodging at a mates and was caught rogering his wife and in the ensuing scrap he cracked him over the head with the open fire poker. He was also in trouble in the late 70's although I don’t remember the exact details. I used to drink with an old boy in a local pub who went to school with him - he reckons that he was normal at school and early adult years but pretends to be daft for an easy life.
He used to regularly impress the magistrates with his tales of why he was drunk and disorderly and would usually be fined 1p less than the amount of money he had in his pocket.
Magistrate, "Mr xxxxxx we find you guilty".
Ronnie, "Right"
Magistrate, "how much money have you got”
Ronnie "29p"
Magistrate, "fined 28p"
He would like to tell the court to hurry up because he was on the first tee with the Chief Constable at 2.30pm (in his poshest voice) and he even turned up at court once in red silk ladies hot pants.
He once told me on a bus that Joan Collins was waiting for him in a room in the Dragonara (local hotel)
On another occasion I saw him sat on a bench in Albert Park with his feet placed neatly on a square foot of carpet he'd found somewhere. He was smoking and drinking and looking pleased with himself as usual and I asked him how he was. He said "I'll be a lot better when my furniture arrives."
It was great fun watching him molesting unsuspecting students, for the price of a ‘cup of tea’; not so good when he caught you for 50p. I remember seeing him near the Trooper. He had a small tree over his shoulder and was explaining that he was the new man in the Duchess of York's life.
(Fri 30th Nov 2007, 14:13, More)
» Accidental innuendo
A local car dealers
In Stockton, often has Porsche, Ferraris, Maseratis, TVR etc up for sale and we often stop for a gawp.
Driving past a few years ago noticed they had a couple of hand-made British sportscars on display on the forecourt - so thought we'd have a look.
We're peering in through the windows like you do when a rather attractive, well-endowed young lady comes out of the showroom.
"Can I be of any assistance?" she asks
"Nah, it's OK" says my mate - "we're just admiring your beautiful Bristols"
I don't remember her reaction but my mate turned redder than a baboons arse and we left somewhat quicker than we arrived.
Funnily enough I've never seen any Bristols on the forecourt since.
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 13:31, More)
A local car dealers
In Stockton, often has Porsche, Ferraris, Maseratis, TVR etc up for sale and we often stop for a gawp.
Driving past a few years ago noticed they had a couple of hand-made British sportscars on display on the forecourt - so thought we'd have a look.
We're peering in through the windows like you do when a rather attractive, well-endowed young lady comes out of the showroom.
"Can I be of any assistance?" she asks
"Nah, it's OK" says my mate - "we're just admiring your beautiful Bristols"
I don't remember her reaction but my mate turned redder than a baboons arse and we left somewhat quicker than we arrived.
Funnily enough I've never seen any Bristols on the forecourt since.
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 13:31, More)