» Well, that taught 'em

Morals
I, in the phrase of the day, 'got into' my best mate's girlfriend in a disused supermarket we had recently broken into. She decided to leave him for me, but I rejected her.

That showed her for leaving my mate for another man.

(p.s. tis my first post, please be gentle)
(Fri 27th Apr 2007, 18:41, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

To add to r2b2's fingernail exploits...
The first time my now-ex stayed over at my place at Uni (we had been going out for 5 months before I got there, but never had a place to do it alone, which meant organising our sex lives around when our parents were out) we were both rather tipsy (read as too drunk to see properly).

Anyhow, in my drunken state I decide that it is a good idea to try and get as many fingers in there as I possibly can. My nails, however, must've been a bit on the sharp side, which, added to the more than usual stretching which happens when you have most of your hand inside her special area, led to some scratching.

Neither of us noticed though until about 5 minutes afterwards when we realised that there was a slowly-growing puddle of a sticky blood based liquid on my mattress.

Still very under the influence I start panicking, thinking I've broken her beyond repair, and make her stand up in my room legs apart, whilst I sit underneath shining a small torch up there, hurriedly wiping away the blood with a freezing cold flannel, which she didn't enjoy particularly much.

The comedy of that image now makes me burst into laughter, but at the time I thought I might never get to explore her underside ever again, which is a chilling thought for an 18 year old in his first proper relationship.

She's fucked off now though with some other poor soul who she can control more easily than me, but I know I've left my mark on her forever and ever, and who knows, maybe the scars will split open when she's giving birth to their bastard offspring.

That would be funny
(Sun 17th Jun 2007, 17:14, More)