b3ta.com user shitkicker
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Just visiting when coding gets too much.

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You're welcome Facebook

(Wed 21st Mar 2018, 12:31, More)

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» Celebrities part II

My mother was in her early teens and living on an RAF base in Germany around the time the Beatles started making it big.

After a gig in Germany they flew back to the UK from the RAF base.

All the service personnel and their kids stood around waiting for the fab four to arrive. When they did my mother shouted out the non too original line "Get your hair cut". John Lennon responeded with "Get yer throat cut"
(Thu 8th Oct 2009, 16:15, More)

» What was I thinking?

mmm toast
Our student house was plagued with mice, we used to stay up until the wee hours off our knackers on goofballs shooting them with water pistols.

We also had no money and lived mainly on porridge and/or toast. The financial situation was, I now realised, probably due to the amount of goofballs we consumed.

Come the end of the year we decided that we would actually like our deposit back for a change so we all mucked in cleaning the house and all the landlord provided electrical appliances.

When it came to cleaning the toaster we couldn't open the crumb tray to empty it so I thought it would be a good idea to hold it upside down and shake it. After about five minutes of crumb snowstorm something mouldy and charred plonked out onto the kitchen surface.

Upon closer inspection it turned out to be the charred and mouldering remains of a small rodent. God knows how long it had been there. £50 bond was not enough to cover the feelings of disgust that continue to this day when I think of how much rodent infested toast we ate
(Wed 29th Sep 2010, 16:58, More)

» Things to do before you die

Rub another mans rhubarb

(Fri 15th Oct 2010, 11:03, More)

» Vandalism

We used to climb up on the school roof
The roof to the Biology lab was a flat felted affair which we thought was ideal for carving our initials into.

Consequently the next rainy day the roof leaked.

It didn't take a genius to look through the register and see which class had an "SDW, CR, MA, JMP" and a "AJP" in.


Another time we painted a seven foot cock and balls on the wall of the school hall which was subsequently scrubbed clean.

Unfortunately the scrubbed area of sandstone dried lighter (cleaner) than the surrounding stone which resulted in a slightly lighter seven foot cock and balls than had been there previously.
(Thu 7th Oct 2010, 13:53, More)

» Call Centres

"Your call may be recorded"
I lost a watch whilst at a gig a few years ago. Some fucker walked away with a nice little vintage Heuer military chronograph.

I had insured seperately on my home insurance because at the time I was travelling to and from Napoli quite a lot and the camorra liked to zoom up on scooters and snatch things of unsuspecting foreigners.

When I tried to claim they stated I had not asked for said insurance. I wrote a letter to the MD and asked for a copy of the telephone conversation that I had when "not" requesting the additional cover.

They couldn't provide it and sent me a cheque for £850 "without prejudice". My premiums were unaffected as the claim was never processed.
(Mon 7th Sep 2009, 15:43, More)
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