b3ta.com user dendrojoshidae
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» Pet Stories

Stinky
In addition to a chocolate craving iguana, I also have the meanest foul-tempered Greek tortoise I am aware of. As regularly traumatizing his cagemate, Gamara, is not enough, he will also go to great lengths to assert his dominance over any other creature in his space. Bombshell, the iguana, for instance, often has to deal with this tiny terror slowly chasing her around the cage bottom whenever she cares to descend from the heights of her heating lamp. When on the loose, human toes are also tempting targets for vicious weak-jawed nips; the giant bipedal bastards need to be put in their place, after all, and the tortoise seems always quite intent on letting us know who's in charge. Even the girlfriend's rats have suffered the turtley wrath of Stinky, one taking a rather unexpected bite across her pink tail while out and about. There's nothing quite like watching a tortoise sneak up on an unsuspecting white rat and giving her a solid bite in the rear. Quite the bully, our dear Stinky; he gets a lot of solitary confinement...
(Sat 9th Jun 2007, 4:43, More)

» Pet Stories

Chocolate
As an avid reptile/amphibian lover, I have a growing menagerie of lovely ectotherms claiming every free cornier of the apartment we share with our girlfriend. The iguana, dear Bombshell, has been with me for a good many years now, and has apparently in that time developed a taste for chocolate, to the point where it is unsafe to leave any such tasty treat lying about when the lizard is on the roam. I can recall one occasion when, having labored over a batch of chocolate chip cookies, I left the try out on the counter to cool while I attended to some other matter which I don't recall now. Returning several minutes later, I found our elated green menace happily gorging herself on my fresh cookies, being sure to sample each and all. She has also been known to squeeze her way into cabinets and pantries in search of a fix, notably devouring an entire party-sized bag of Hershey Kisses. She was, of course, shitting bright, multicolored bits of foil for weeks (slow reptilian metabolism, and all). It should probably be noted that Bombshell is, in fact, male, but she's been female in our minds for so long now (we had some sexing issues when she was younger) that we've never been able to switch to using the proper pronouns when referring to her.
(Sat 9th Jun 2007, 4:27, More)