b3ta.com user Silent5
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» Why I was late

Not late for work, but close.
I had another staff member who got so pissed on shift that he 'forgot' to close the bar. When I turned up the next day the entire takings for the night and the safe float were sitting on the bar with the front door wide open.

Where was he?

In the back lounge unconscious with his pants around his ankles, and to top it off - with his cock in hand.
(Fri 29th Jun 2007, 5:49, More)

» Why I was late

One of my staff members sets a record.
I run bars, and as such have a very diverse range of staff who all seem to have their own unique quirks and perversions. There is one standout clown though, who usually turned up half an hour late or so every shift. He took the cake when he turned up 3 days! late for work.

His excuse - "I had a couple of drinks and thought tomorrow was last week."

Winner.

One of his other personal bests - after turning up 4 hours late for shift - "I left the house wearing my missus' jeans and only realised when I was 5 minutes away."
(Fri 29th Jun 2007, 5:46, More)

» Insults

You've got a face like a hatful of smashed arseholes.
Or, a face like a twisted sandshoe.

Or, a face like a dropped pie.
(Sat 6th Oct 2007, 3:57, More)