b3ta.com user Phase3Profit
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Out of the most barren of Scotland's coalfields, I now live in Glasgow and it's ace. Graduated with an honours in parasitology from the University of Glasgow, and put it to good use answering phones for people claiming jobseekers allowance.

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Best answers to questions:

» I'm going to Hell...

3 years of age
...and my gran has taken me to church, as she did.

The minister is leading the Lord's Prayer:

"For thine is the Kingdom, and the power and the..."

Me (top of my tiny lungs): "By the power of Greyskull! I HAVE THE POWER!!!"
(Sun 14th Dec 2008, 11:14, More)

» Why should you be fired from your job?

I got fired and they never told me
Last summer I worked in a factory putting aerosol cans in boxes. It was shite but there was some good company, so that got me through most days. After a week of being fed up being told to go and do stuff elsewhere whilst the people that should have been doing it slacked off, my mate went up to the boss and bitched about it - in a different room from me.

The response: "Fuck off", followed by a swift exit into his BMW.

This was on a Friday. The following Monday we go back, start our shift and half an hour later the boss comes over and says: "Why are you here?"

"We work were."

"No you don't; I fired you on Friday. Hand in your work coats and leave."

Since then I have been wary of the phrase "Fuck off".
(Tue 14th Aug 2007, 0:21, More)

» Call Centres

So many amusing stories...
But I work in a government department and can't divulge them.

I'll just say that when I asked one young lady if she had done any work in the last six months she replied with: "Only as a prostitute."
(Sun 6th Sep 2009, 12:02, More)

» Mobile phone disasters

Whimsical sounds
Everyone used to always have a good laugh at a text alert sound once technology expanded to accommodate custom noises for more than calls (or at least that's how I remember it). So for a couple of years me and my mates would have a chuckle when someone got a message and the treasure chest tune from Zelda sounded, or perhaps Clint Eastwood enquiring about how lucky we felt. Of course this led to one-upmanship.

I totally won a few years ago. It was so ludicrously hilarious that all buckled when they heard it. All except one.

I was having a quiet night in visiting my dad when my mate David texted... and Stan Smith from American Dad announced the arrival of my text by declaring "Which is why I've decided to have sex with a man" rather proudly...

Bet my dad was chuffed when I told him I was engaged to a real-life lady two months back.
(Fri 31st Jul 2009, 21:43, More)

» Procrastination

I woke up at ten. No big deal, was a bit ill and had a terrible night the night before. But I had a lot of work to do with honours research project and article reading and such so I thought I'd get breakfast and get right on to it.

Read the book I bought that the RAF says I should read before my interview.

It's now noon. Flatmate A is at work, Flatmate B is gone but expecting a parcel. I have exercising to do but as Flatmate B's parcel is dead mice I decide it better to stay in. Check emails and such things, send a few text messages to inform people of my doings the night before.

1pm rolls around and Flatmate A returns. I swiftly head out for my exercises as there is now less chance of dead mice being re-delivered on Monday all decomposed. I return and decide to go for a shower. But beforehand indulge in some old QOTW FPs.

2.45 and i'm standing in my hall watching the TV that's in the kitchen displaying the rugby (Scotland and South Africa nil all at twenty minutes? Bloody hell!) wearing only a towel. I did eventually make it to the shower at half time.

Game finishes and although we lost I'm suitably elevated and sit down with the article. Nothing happens. I check bebo. I read some more QOTW.

I go to buy some rum for my headcold, I phone the old man who was at the game (me four weeks ago: "I'm too busy in November, I can't go to both All Blacks and Sprinbocks") and have an extensive chat about it. Read more QOTW.

Decide I have a relevant tale for this week's question.
(Sat 15th Nov 2008, 23:15, More)
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