b3ta.com user Dan dan dan
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leave me a message and ill get back to you :)

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» Pointless Experiments

Home alone
mum and dad are at a wedding... gone for hours

Brothers are away on holiday...

after 3 hr of casual masturbation, i decided to make the most of the empty house..

what did i do?

Microwave a poo...

not a good idea... the house stunk sooo bad...

how did i fix it? well i couldnt, so i deliberatley burn some paper just so i could get the blame for something alot less offensive..

we got rid of the microwave shortly after because it didnt smell right.
(Fri 25th Jul 2008, 22:40, More)

» My sex misconceptions

i was once watching neighbours years ago
Scott and charlene were kissing. Being a confused 6 yr old. I walked up to my mum and said

"Mum, why do the people in neighbours kiss like this?"

At which point i try to chew my mums jaw off.

( i tried to snog my mum)

Queue my mum pushing me back in a horribly confused matter, whilst my older brother collapsed in a fit of laughter.

Jeeze, ive only just remembered this and can only assume it was repressed for some reason...

*begins to twitch..

*begins to weep
(Fri 26th Sep 2008, 13:35, More)

» Conned

be aware, I recently went to a b&q store in mersey side and was approached by a member of their staff and asked if I wanted decking? well, I got the first punch in, but I feel the lesser vigilant person might not be so sharp.
(Fri 19th Oct 2007, 15:02, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

My nan
She was a frail 80 yrl old riddled with osteoperosis (brittle bones). But still maintained her independance by going shopping everyday. Even though she had a hunch and could hardly walk. She was the most cutest of nans. You wanted to hug the life out of her, but you couldn't because she was so slight in frame.

One day she was walking along Birkenhead high street, shopping. She had just bought an easter egg in a cup from one of the highstreet sellers (to be my easter present). It wasnt a particulary expensive egg. She didnt have that much money.

She was just walking away from the stall when she tripped on a slighlty raised pavement slab. As she fell she broke her pelvis in several places, due to her brittle bones.

The ambulance crew arrived but were somewhat confused when they discovered her main concern was for the mug she had just bought for her grandson, than for her own well being.

The mug was ok, and i never used it, instead i keep it safe in my bedside draw.

My nan never recovered from her broken hip, and died a year later.

That story always brings a lump to my throat. It was only a cheap mug, but it meant so much to my nan.
(Fri 3rd Oct 2008, 9:47, More)

» Abusing freebies

unintentional freebie
Whilst I was in China last year, as usual we were out on the town. We happened to stop at an unusual bar we hadn’t been to before.

Anyway we got talking to this Chinese guy, his name was Jackson (obviously not his real Chinese name- but a business English name)- a local business man - he could speak very good English. It seemed like he was trying to talk business to us, but after a short conversation we realised he was into the textile business and we were IT. So neither of us had anything to buy off each other. Instead we stayed in the bar for a short while, chatting about culture differences before heading off to another bar - with our new friend in tow.

This was about 9pm. We get to another bar and end up drinking into the very early hours (about 6am) at which point our new friend decides to leave and go home - we bid him farewell. We then finish our drinks and get up to leave about 30 minutes after Jackson. We then discover that the tab behind the bar has been paid by Jackson - well over £300 worth of drinks.

I never saw him again to thank him, on what was probably the most silent act of generosity I have ever seen. Apparently this is quite a common thing in China - its a sign of gentlemen respect. He silently paid the bill of, jumped into the taxi and went home.
(Mon 12th Nov 2007, 14:21, More)
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