b3ta.com user kendo saggy knackers
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» Dumb things you've done

When I was a nipper...
there was a little stream near our house. It was filty, full of the usual rubbish, shopping trolleys, bikes, plastic bags etc. There was also a family of ducks that for some reason decided they liked living surrounded by all this shite.
As kids do, rather than appreciate the wonder of nature in the midst of our urban hell, we liked to annoy the ducks. One day I was passing the duck's usual hangout and decided to have some fun by throwing pebbles at them. Nothing too big mind. I didn't want to kill them, just get them flapping about a bit would be fun. I spotted a stone of the perfect size, about the size of a conker, and picked it up. I was surprised when it squashed between my thumb and forefinger. Strange smell too. Fucking horrible smell actually. So bad it made me gag, then puke when I realised what it was.
I haven't bothered any kind of fauna since.
(Sat 22nd Dec 2007, 0:50, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Near my mum's house
in England there's a road called Bants Lane. The bottom of the B is always being painted out to make it "Pants Lane". Always makes me chuckle.
Keeping on the underwear theme....
as a hormone ravaged schoolboy I used to take the bus to school every day. On the back of one of the seats was scrawled:
"Boys, try wanking in girl's knickers. It's great!"

So I did. And it was.
(Tue 8th May 2007, 13:59, More)

» Terrible Parenting

My dad
used to go down the pub while my mum was working evenings. We lit a fire in the middle of the living room one night while he was out. It was burning pretty well, then there was a bang on the living room window and my dad's face appeared. He didn't look very pleased at our resourcefulness so we ran out the back and locked ourselves in the bathroom until mum came home.
They got divorced not long after that.
(Thu 16th Aug 2007, 21:38, More)