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» The most childish thing you've done as an adult
Water Pistol Vigilantes
Around the age of 20-23 me and some mates went through a phase of soaking the innocent and not so innocent with SuperSoaker water pistols for fun.
Having recently come of age, we were in a position to buy the most expensive and sophisticated water pistols on the market - the kind I'm sure no child has the means to buy. We also had cars - this is crucial as our methods were cowardly to say the least.
We would 'patrol' our local neighbourhod and search for someone we didn't like the look of and make them our target. Our rules were a bit Leon-esque: no pregnant women, no old people who might catch cold, no tramps (they don't always have a change of clothes and a log fire)and everyone else was fair game and the more of a prick they looked, the better. Thus well-hard types, junkies, chavs, pretty boys, etc got the most attention, which, after all, is all they were after anyway.
Our MO was to pull up alongside them, on a quite-ish road and ask innocently:
ER: "Excuse me mate, do you know where the dry cleaners' is?"
MR X: "Yes, if you turn...[cut off mid-sentence]"
ER: "Yeah I know that mate, I was just checking you did, because it's you that needs it!"
[Aqua drive-by then ensues as 3 barrels poke out of the windows and hose down the victim.
On an average day, it was the most fun I think anyone could ever have and I've never laughed so hard as I have watching someone try and shout abuse while trying not to choke as water is sprayed directly into their mouth. On particular days, however, it got better. A good bet was to target people on the way home from the pub on a Friday/Saturday night and this led to our best experiences. The first one we targeted because he was with his girlfriend and thus liable to want to play the big man in front of her and he also had long hair! We pulled up, I shouted, "Hey Hippy Dude!" he looked over and we drenched his beautiful mane. We thought he might be quite cool and philosophical about it and I should say that anyone who laughed at it/themselves we always left alone, reckoning on them being a good bloke after all. But Hippy Dude went mental. Back round and round we went and each time he got more and more violent and vitriolic, punching lamposts, screaming abuse and howling like a wounded animal about what he wanted to do to us and our families. On round 4, his girlfriend, who had big tits and so got left alone, appeared a little put out about how personally he had taken our little prank and we pulled over up ahead to turn round and watch them argue before she stalked off leaving him alone. Time to deliver the killer blow and back round we went. This time, I shouted, "Hippy Dude!" as I had the previous 4 times but instead of racing toward the car with a branch or a bin (as he had done previously) he didn't even look up.
I repeated it but got the same response - we had broken our man, he had no fight left in him - and so to teach him that quitters never win and not to be weak, we let him have it anyway! Poor old Hippy Dude just stopped walking, stared at the floor and took it.
The best experience, however, occured nearby but with a different character. Well-Hard was out of his face on coke (we'd seen him imbibing in a pub earlier in the night) and definitely thought he was the biznai as he tried to walk and text at the same time. Criminal damage wasn't part of the plan but we must have fucked his phone up as on round 2 (we used to do a lap of the block and come back) not only did he turn the air blue with his filthy language but he also hurled the thing at us (and this is when mobiles first started becoming popular and so was quite big.) Round 3 and he started sprinting after the car for a little bit (20m); round 4 he was so pissed off he sprinted a bit further (40m) and this put an idea in our heads. Well Hard was clearly quite a fit lad and combined with what he'd been sticking up his nose earlier and the adrenaline rush provoked by our effrontery, we figured our boy had energy to burn. Round 5 saw us do him but then instead of burning off, we kept our speed low - Well Hard thought he could catch us and he kept going! But then an obstacle: a roundabout that we had to go round, but WH could cut across and as we pulled onto our new road he even managed to touch the car! He thought he could win and his near miss gave him hope yet! So we pootled along at 15mph, keeping him within reach for a further 600m and then disaster: he collapsed!
We did the, admittedly belated, decent thing and telephoned for an ambulance and even stuck around til it turned up and he got loaded on. We patiently explained to the paramedics that we'd nearly run him over when we found him lying in the middle of the road as we innocently drove back from our night out. He's lucky we were there really. Drunkard.
(Sun 20th Sep 2009, 11:36, More)
Water Pistol Vigilantes
Around the age of 20-23 me and some mates went through a phase of soaking the innocent and not so innocent with SuperSoaker water pistols for fun.
Having recently come of age, we were in a position to buy the most expensive and sophisticated water pistols on the market - the kind I'm sure no child has the means to buy. We also had cars - this is crucial as our methods were cowardly to say the least.
We would 'patrol' our local neighbourhod and search for someone we didn't like the look of and make them our target. Our rules were a bit Leon-esque: no pregnant women, no old people who might catch cold, no tramps (they don't always have a change of clothes and a log fire)and everyone else was fair game and the more of a prick they looked, the better. Thus well-hard types, junkies, chavs, pretty boys, etc got the most attention, which, after all, is all they were after anyway.
Our MO was to pull up alongside them, on a quite-ish road and ask innocently:
ER: "Excuse me mate, do you know where the dry cleaners' is?"
MR X: "Yes, if you turn...[cut off mid-sentence]"
ER: "Yeah I know that mate, I was just checking you did, because it's you that needs it!"
[Aqua drive-by then ensues as 3 barrels poke out of the windows and hose down the victim.
On an average day, it was the most fun I think anyone could ever have and I've never laughed so hard as I have watching someone try and shout abuse while trying not to choke as water is sprayed directly into their mouth. On particular days, however, it got better. A good bet was to target people on the way home from the pub on a Friday/Saturday night and this led to our best experiences. The first one we targeted because he was with his girlfriend and thus liable to want to play the big man in front of her and he also had long hair! We pulled up, I shouted, "Hey Hippy Dude!" he looked over and we drenched his beautiful mane. We thought he might be quite cool and philosophical about it and I should say that anyone who laughed at it/themselves we always left alone, reckoning on them being a good bloke after all. But Hippy Dude went mental. Back round and round we went and each time he got more and more violent and vitriolic, punching lamposts, screaming abuse and howling like a wounded animal about what he wanted to do to us and our families. On round 4, his girlfriend, who had big tits and so got left alone, appeared a little put out about how personally he had taken our little prank and we pulled over up ahead to turn round and watch them argue before she stalked off leaving him alone. Time to deliver the killer blow and back round we went. This time, I shouted, "Hippy Dude!" as I had the previous 4 times but instead of racing toward the car with a branch or a bin (as he had done previously) he didn't even look up.
I repeated it but got the same response - we had broken our man, he had no fight left in him - and so to teach him that quitters never win and not to be weak, we let him have it anyway! Poor old Hippy Dude just stopped walking, stared at the floor and took it.
The best experience, however, occured nearby but with a different character. Well-Hard was out of his face on coke (we'd seen him imbibing in a pub earlier in the night) and definitely thought he was the biznai as he tried to walk and text at the same time. Criminal damage wasn't part of the plan but we must have fucked his phone up as on round 2 (we used to do a lap of the block and come back) not only did he turn the air blue with his filthy language but he also hurled the thing at us (and this is when mobiles first started becoming popular and so was quite big.) Round 3 and he started sprinting after the car for a little bit (20m); round 4 he was so pissed off he sprinted a bit further (40m) and this put an idea in our heads. Well Hard was clearly quite a fit lad and combined with what he'd been sticking up his nose earlier and the adrenaline rush provoked by our effrontery, we figured our boy had energy to burn. Round 5 saw us do him but then instead of burning off, we kept our speed low - Well Hard thought he could catch us and he kept going! But then an obstacle: a roundabout that we had to go round, but WH could cut across and as we pulled onto our new road he even managed to touch the car! He thought he could win and his near miss gave him hope yet! So we pootled along at 15mph, keeping him within reach for a further 600m and then disaster: he collapsed!
We did the, admittedly belated, decent thing and telephoned for an ambulance and even stuck around til it turned up and he got loaded on. We patiently explained to the paramedics that we'd nearly run him over when we found him lying in the middle of the road as we innocently drove back from our night out. He's lucky we were there really. Drunkard.
(Sun 20th Sep 2009, 11:36, More)