» Evil Pranks

sweet revenge
my now ex girl friend did not like the amount of time that I enjoyed in the land of nod, and she would frequently become enraged that I would not wake to deal with her personal needs (as a side note at the time I was on permanent nights at hospital and so was soooo tired I did not dream for about 2 years, I got in and fell in to a deep sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow) but none of this mattered as my ex 's needs were formost in her mind and my need for sleep did not matter.
one day she decided to tip a pint of water over my groin in a vain attempt to wake me up and as a punishment for not "sorting her out"........... I awoke and she gleefully tried to tell me I had wet the bed , i sniffed it and having an amazing sense of urine detection smell from working in the caring profession I fell back to sleep.
Then the thump on the chest to try to wake me. That worked , so one pissed off and tired FPK had a day to formulate a plan.

Afew days later revenge was mine , she got drunk and I got chocolate button.
After "sorting her out" (her terms not mine) she fell a sleep in a drunken happy haze. so I slipped a few chocolate buttons between her butt check and left them to melt over night .
The joy was all mine when I woke her up and pointed out to her that "she had better clean her self up as I think she may have had an accident"
brown stains all in the bed and a look of horror in her eyes .
ah sweet revenge
And the look on her face as I smelt the sheets too closely and got some on my nose !
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 19:07, More)

» Insults

conception question
sat it a night club after an evening of beverages
I over heard a laydee being chatted up by a genetically deficient gentle fellow who had the charisma of quim . she asked straight faced " ask your mother if you were strained throught the bed sheets on conception?"
he didnt get it but it made me spit my drink out.

I had one that would cut to the very soul, but I thought it was funny when a client shouted "hope you get raped!" to me because they were unable to have things their own way.
my only come back to that was "thanks ! you too"
(Fri 5th Oct 2007, 12:05, More)

» Being told off as an adult

on regular basis
I find myself being told off by tutors at uni, I am a mature student and instead of them just telling me straight.... ie your essay is a bag of shizzer or shut up and listen you twunt, I am 'told off ' by people who have nursing qualification and are councilers, so its really annoying because of their softly softly aproach( and the fact that I have enough interlect in my small brain to realise that they are right with what they are telling me but I wish they would just tell me what on the day I am doing that is sooo wrong or goes againstthis that or the other) so
I try to piss them off a bit untill they snap ..........and every one has a breaking point, I can usally find it quite quickly, then i find their heart felt annoyance and anger less patronising and it reminds me that tutors are human too. and I always leave lectures with that smug feelling of I still have not grown up.
(Thu 20th Sep 2007, 20:28, More)

» Dumb things you've done

yeah its a good idea.
.......yes you can shoot me with that applicator tampon , (said to my freind with an 80lbs snap draw cross bow) ...it wont hurt he said , it did! left a welf.

set fire to my jeans and burnt my leg , thought that was a great idea.
oh and many mor , but it would be stupid of me to tell all!
(Wed 26th Dec 2007, 10:36, More)

» Personal Ads

internet munters
after splitting with my long term girl friend and feeling that I was very rusty in the chatting up department, I decided that I would look into the seedy world of interweb dating.

The alarm bells began to ring as soon as I began the search , finding laydeez whom were akin to socially retarded psychopaths who looked like they has been strained through the bed sheets on conception,

one fine example was called "carebear69" she was both ugly and stupid ( both qualities I posess myself and dont feel the need date some one with them too.) and would "fuck for drinks". needless to say I avoided getting Aids off that one by not even acknowledging her, and called it a day, thinking that if she was the best I could get off the internet I would rather be on my own.( and STD free)

I found very few people who I could safely say I would date with out having to kill my self in shame, so instead I took the easy root and got drunk and went out with my friends , easy!
(Thu 13th Sep 2007, 16:02, More)