b3ta.com user MunchMyBalloons
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» Babysitters

impressionable cousins
When I was 16ish, I regularly babysat my 3 younger cousins, all boys, probably around 3, 5 and 7 years old at the time. I was quite into metal at the time (dark scandinavian stuff, not american crap), and so begins my cousins' journey into black metal and the devil.

I thought, the lyrics being foreign, they wouldn't understand what was being said, but being so eager to impress me they would grab my cds, google the names, and read up all about them, their lyrics, what they stood for (thank god they didn't look up Gorgoroth), and similiar bands.

From thereon every time I'd show up to babysit I'd have 3 under 8 year olds running up and shouting suggestions of various black metal bands and which songs were best, somewhat to this style.

5 year old: Munch! Have you listened to the new album from Hordes of Maggots?
7 year old: yeah! 'Satan's legion' is awesome!
Cue- 2 year old headbanging violently, bashing into walls and furniture, but too hardcore to care.

I had a lot of explaining to do. Regularly.
(Fri 29th Oct 2010, 11:24, More)

» Stuff I've found

L4dy b0y pr0n
Still makes me sick to this day. When my Dad gave me his old laptop I did what any over inquisitive little snot would do:
1. Restore recycle bin, and
2. Used media player to search for any and every media file that ever was.

I won't beat around the bush (no sniggers please), I was starting to get into some really good porn of a solo girl playing with her tits and moaning and stuff. Plenty of close ups on the face and tits, but not much below, I assumed she wasn't getting paid much and refused to have her snatch on the internet. Well, suddenly, it was shown. Sort of. When she (now arguable) started wanking off her 7 inch cock.

I was only 15 and felt so dirty at the fact I'd just watched some girl (urgh!) wanking off HER penis. What do I do? What any impatient/offline fapping 15 year old would; rewind to the bit with his tits and finish off.

First time I've mentioned this to anyone, should I be ashamed?!
(Tue 11th Nov 2008, 14:37, More)

» Terrible food

Mmm, twix.
Not me, but someone else (of course).

A few years back, we had a strange cantonese girl in our school boarding house whom, for the sake of humiliation, I shall call Utonia (mainly because that was her name).

She was in my Maths class all year, never spoke a word, just sort of silently answered questions and got everything right. No one really noticed her to be fair, until that dreaded, chocolatey night..

I had heard from other boarders that in the morning, they were given a choice of snack. Say, a twix. But Utonia wasn't hungry. She was saving it for later. Much later. But not to eat.

It isn't known if she had actually innocently mistook it to be a dildo or not, but she couldn't tell the difference. It was enough to make her wake up the other 5 girls who were sharing the dorm with her, enough for them to know exactly what she was doing. The other girls sat horrified, didn't dare say a word. Minutes passed, Utonia popped her head from under the duvet. All that work makes up an appetite eh? Wrapper comes off, munch munch munch.

Needless to say, she left a few weeks later. Shortly after the morning snack was changed to Curly wurly.

Length? She couldn't take much more, apparently.

*Post cherry popped*
(Tue 22nd May 2007, 15:21, More)

» Crappy relationships

Ah, how could i forget..
An ex girlfriend of mine definitely qualifies for batshit crazy, if not winning first prize. Repeat offender of the 'look at me do something mental, look at my mood swings, look at me give you 5 seconds of handjob then get all rape victim when you're confused as to why I stopped' game. Damn mental bitch.

Favourite one was pretending to break up with me, just to watch me beg and squirm. Didn't take me long to get smart, so eventually I'd say "cool, sounds good. Later." That scared the crap out of her, I was only joking of course. Why didn't I actually leave? You know why. She was fffffiiinnnneeee.

One day at her parents house she decided to throw a strop on me, to this day I have no reason what I did wrong. She could be a venomous bitch at times, and that day she was setting new records. "Don't even look at me, MunchMyBalloons, you make me sickĀ£ you're worthless, pathetic, I don't even know why I'm with you", now I was used to all this (but like I said, she was fffiiinnnneee!) so I gave my now standard reply of "sure, ill leave, see ya!" This time she didn't beg or apologise, simply stood between me and the door, moving side to side like a psycho crab-bitch so I couldn't leave. It was like some stupid game of space invaders, where she is the teeming horde of aliens. Okay, it wasn't actually anything like space invaders, but she was still pretty similar to a teeming horde of aliens. I digress. Anyway, my solution to this was to calmly, sensibly, place my hands on her shoulders (not violent, or even calm-violent), and simply pivot round her to freedom. Her response? Fall on the floor in fits of pain induced tears. "You hit me! You monster! Don't come near me, don't touch me! Ill scream! Ill get my parents on you! Don't even think abo-"

Ok bye.

And I was gone.
She has since been engaged twice, faked 3 pregnancies, and lost all those close to her due to her inane storytelling. I think I was lucky to get out.

Lessons learned? Would I do it again? Fuck yeah! She was fiiiiinnnnnnneeeee!
(Wed 27th Oct 2010, 1:39, More)

» Crappy relationships

Enough of dickhead men getting away with it
I was enjoying a lovely BBQ with my Mum during the Summer just past, when I heard a couple, shouting and screaming and crying, coming down the alleyway by my front garden. I immediately bolted up right, fight or flight I suppose, but from a young age I had very strong views on what should happen to guys that abuse women. Mother dear noticed and warned me not to get involved (which I thought strange at the time), but a friend of mine was due to arrive any minute so I bolted round the corner to find a guy dragging his girlfriend my the arm, shouting abuse at her, demanding she get "back in the fucking house the fucking slag." All that.

Just like a previous poster, I somehow found myself in this guys face telling him what I think of him (not much, would you believe), but he easily had 3 inches height on me (now, I'm 6'1, but this guy was big. Rugby big). The moment he let go of the girl she sprinted, crying, for his family's house. My mate appeared, and dickhead-man backed down like a coward and stormed off in a huge rage.

A few hours later, the guys Dad and brother knock on the door, apologising profusely. They had to call the police on him at the end, their own son and brother, I can't imagine the shame he brought on them.

Moral of this story- if you have the opportunity to intervene, use your sound judgement, and then do it anyway. Whether the girl/woman is crying aloud or not, she might be breaking inside. The dickhead in this story could easily have broken my face in, but it's the control they get off on, he wasn't looking for a real fight.
(Mon 25th Oct 2010, 23:38, More)
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