Profile for burntbread:
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- a member for 16 years, 10 months and 16 days
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» The worst sex I ever had
What the Puck?
At uni I trod the boards for a while, and acted in a few shoddy drama productions, which made it a bit easier to get girls. Anyway, pulled this nice lass at the student union, she was charmed by my performance and wanted to have a private one of her own.
So back at hers, I'm trying to get the old fella in and it's not going well her end. I ask if she's ok and she eventually (in near tears) tells me why she's not 'relaxed' enough to proceed: 'My ex tried to rape me last Saturday'.
exit stage left.
(Sun 17th Jun 2007, 8:35, More)
What the Puck?
At uni I trod the boards for a while, and acted in a few shoddy drama productions, which made it a bit easier to get girls. Anyway, pulled this nice lass at the student union, she was charmed by my performance and wanted to have a private one of her own.
So back at hers, I'm trying to get the old fella in and it's not going well her end. I ask if she's ok and she eventually (in near tears) tells me why she's not 'relaxed' enough to proceed: 'My ex tried to rape me last Saturday'.
exit stage left.
(Sun 17th Jun 2007, 8:35, More)
» Expensive Mistakes
TV and Music Industry, London
Realised too late that everyone who works in these industries is a complete cnut and you can't help but add to the stream of bile that constantly pervades our lives.
That's 5 years, 15k of debt, a damaged septum and an STD.
bugger.
(Mon 29th Oct 2007, 3:03, More)
TV and Music Industry, London
Realised too late that everyone who works in these industries is a complete cnut and you can't help but add to the stream of bile that constantly pervades our lives.
That's 5 years, 15k of debt, a damaged septum and an STD.
bugger.
(Mon 29th Oct 2007, 3:03, More)
» Pathological Liars
Silver Smoothy charm
This guy in my uni halls went on a trip to London and did a tour of the BBC studios.
Claimed he got chatting with smooth-talking housewives favourite Des Lynam who, upon finding our mate to be such a pleasant chap, invited him to co-present on Match of the Day.
Of course, my mate was far too busy with his essays and such so had to turn down Des' offer.
'Although Des did say that if I'm in the area again, to get in touch and we'll go for a curry'.
(Tue 4th Dec 2007, 6:33, More)
Silver Smoothy charm
This guy in my uni halls went on a trip to London and did a tour of the BBC studios.
Claimed he got chatting with smooth-talking housewives favourite Des Lynam who, upon finding our mate to be such a pleasant chap, invited him to co-present on Match of the Day.
Of course, my mate was far too busy with his essays and such so had to turn down Des' offer.
'Although Des did say that if I'm in the area again, to get in touch and we'll go for a curry'.
(Tue 4th Dec 2007, 6:33, More)
» Guilty Secrets
footie
Last week, during my regular Thursday football game, I kicked the ball into the family jewels of an opposition player. He collapsed with Fred Dibnah efficiency and started to shake, SHAKE, with pain. He was carried off the pitch.
I claimed it was an accident but later, in the pub, I confessed to all my teammates that it was deliberate!
And we all had a good laugh about it.
(Sun 2nd Sep 2007, 17:05, More)
footie
Last week, during my regular Thursday football game, I kicked the ball into the family jewels of an opposition player. He collapsed with Fred Dibnah efficiency and started to shake, SHAKE, with pain. He was carried off the pitch.
I claimed it was an accident but later, in the pub, I confessed to all my teammates that it was deliberate!
And we all had a good laugh about it.
(Sun 2nd Sep 2007, 17:05, More)