» Terrible Parenting

I love my mum!
Back in the seventies I was pulled over by the police on the M4 and escorted home... after being found driving a go-kart bought by my father and encouraged to play with on the road by my mother because "the pathway was too small". I was five years old at the time.

My mother bought my older brother a second-hand bicycle which had no seat on it, no brakes and a flat tyre (My father told her that it was too dangerous but she always got her own way). She then asked my brother to go up to the shop to get some bread... He came back with a broken nose and a missing tooth.

My mother is fitting into the role of "grandmother" very well, she's already tried to suffocate my baby niece by sticking a plastic bag over her face (her excuse was she had just left it there for a minute whilst she sorted out the rest of her shopping bags... which obviously was much more important than her grand-daughter's need for oxygen). My sons are presented every birthday/christmas with toys that make Mattel look like the pioneers of child safety (I'm just waiting for a box of Lidl steak knives with detachable handles).

My mother also enjoys walking my eldest son into bollards and lamp posts whilst pushing my youngest son (in his pushchair) into the path of on comming traffic - hence why I don't let her near my kids anymore.

Mums like this are one in a million... thankfully.
(Thu 16th Aug 2007, 10:48, More)

» Voyeurism

car sex
I was 19 , in the army and out on exercise,(mod land) in wiltshire . my troop wanderd through fields and some small woods when we stopped ready to bed down, rifles loaded with blanks and thunderflashes in pockets, my CSGT(colour sargent)calls out whos making silly noises to shut up! suddenly I sees a car parked by a fence just off the dirt track, looking through my night scope there seemed to be some great entertainment going on. I called my CSGT over and explained I think I know were the noises were being made came from.
So 15 men in full camoflage and tooled up to our eyeballs gaverd around this small citren car which seemed to have a problem with its suspention as it was rocking up n down steamed up windows CSGT placed a few thunder flashes quietly under neath the car and crawled back away
BOOM! then screams as a car door opened and a franticly scared woman naked and a half dressed man knaked waist down got out seeing 15 guys going way hey m8, the couple got back in the car and drove off very fast
but I will admit he had a cracking bit of stuff in the car and I with my m8s ruined his fun
(Sat 13th Oct 2007, 18:54, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Dumb Thing #3 - Oh Canada...
I lived for a short time in Canada and in the time I learned a very important lesson. Do not urinate against metal bins... ever! One cold, dark and wintery night I was merrily making my way home from the local bar and then I nature calling to me... big mistake! I was later taken to hospital by the police with a bin lid frozen to my penis.
(Thu 20th Dec 2007, 18:15, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

felinicide and hamstercide
A fews years back I lived in a high riser , I had a hamster and cat (kitten to be prescise).
One night after I got home frome work I could smell cat wee from the kitty litter, so I waltzsed over to the window in the living room and opend it. As I turned around I knocked the hamster cage of the book shelf and Helmet the hamster escaped straight under the settee. As I'm hurridly trying to catch the hamster the kitten got in the act and before I knew it she was about to pounce on Helmet. Grabbing kitty I flung her out the way as I slammed a bowl down to capture said hamster. I placed the hamster back in the cage then suddenly realised kitty wasn't in the room.
Just as I was about to think omg the door bell rang and a very discruntled neighbour from the bottom floor handed me my kitty unharmed, as kitty used her as a landing pad! I lived 5 floors up and I think kitty lost a few of her nine lives on the way down. The neighbour said that she heard a wailing noise and then felt a sharp pain on her back and neck whilst she was putting her rubbish out.

Helmet the hamster sadly died a few weeks later after he made another escape attempt and meeting its maker via an encounter with a my mother and a spade.
(Sat 8th Dec 2007, 21:13, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

Joe decan
It all started with that spastic and hes to blame uh uh haaa uhh uhh haaa uhh hhh aaa
(Thu 22nd Nov 2007, 13:37, More)