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» Shoplifting
My Life of Crime
Age 6: Stealing from a baby (and family)
Round my granny's flat not long after my baby cousin had been. He'd forgotten his new Matchbox cars.
These weren't any Matchbox cars. They were Warner Bros Matchbox cars. Bugs Bunny driving one, Daffy Duck another, etc. Seconds after playing with them, I knew I had to have them.
When it came time to leave, up the sleeves of the jumper they went. Mission accomplished. Until I got in the back seat of the car and immediately starting playing with them, attracting the attention and ire of my parents. I had to bring them back and apologise.
Lesson learned: keep stash safe until the heat is off.
Age 8 - 15: Stealing from God.
I was a choirboy. We were given special numbered envelopes, as were regular parishioners, to put our contributions to the collection in.
Every Sunday, my parents would put in 50p, rising to £1 with inflation, for the cathedral. Every Sunday, I would rip the envelope open and spend it on sweets to suck on during the sermon.
Ocassionally, an old tenor in charge of this sort of thing would mention my family's staggering contempt for the welfare of St Finbarre's, and I would contribute to the collection for a couple of weeks.
Lesson learned: vary your MO.
Age 12: Stealing from Big Business
I had 30p to get the bus home from school. A Snickers bar was 27p. Shoplifted one from the same big newsagent every day for who knows how long before getting collared and dragged into a back room and interrogated.
I think I lied about my parents' phone number and address, may even have started crying, was released scot free but 'banned' from the shop.
Lesson learned: Never admit to anything.
That was the end of my crime career, apart from the usual student shite (see 75% of posts on this board).
In the last 10 years or so I have been robbed in Slovakia (losing Inter-rail ticket and passport, having to beg my way back to London), had my bike nicked, had my flat broken into and been carjacked in Cuba (losing passport again).
Karma's a fucker.
(Tue 15th Jan 2008, 21:02, More)
My Life of Crime
Age 6: Stealing from a baby (and family)
Round my granny's flat not long after my baby cousin had been. He'd forgotten his new Matchbox cars.
These weren't any Matchbox cars. They were Warner Bros Matchbox cars. Bugs Bunny driving one, Daffy Duck another, etc. Seconds after playing with them, I knew I had to have them.
When it came time to leave, up the sleeves of the jumper they went. Mission accomplished. Until I got in the back seat of the car and immediately starting playing with them, attracting the attention and ire of my parents. I had to bring them back and apologise.
Lesson learned: keep stash safe until the heat is off.
Age 8 - 15: Stealing from God.
I was a choirboy. We were given special numbered envelopes, as were regular parishioners, to put our contributions to the collection in.
Every Sunday, my parents would put in 50p, rising to £1 with inflation, for the cathedral. Every Sunday, I would rip the envelope open and spend it on sweets to suck on during the sermon.
Ocassionally, an old tenor in charge of this sort of thing would mention my family's staggering contempt for the welfare of St Finbarre's, and I would contribute to the collection for a couple of weeks.
Lesson learned: vary your MO.
Age 12: Stealing from Big Business
I had 30p to get the bus home from school. A Snickers bar was 27p. Shoplifted one from the same big newsagent every day for who knows how long before getting collared and dragged into a back room and interrogated.
I think I lied about my parents' phone number and address, may even have started crying, was released scot free but 'banned' from the shop.
Lesson learned: Never admit to anything.
That was the end of my crime career, apart from the usual student shite (see 75% of posts on this board).
In the last 10 years or so I have been robbed in Slovakia (losing Inter-rail ticket and passport, having to beg my way back to London), had my bike nicked, had my flat broken into and been carjacked in Cuba (losing passport again).
Karma's a fucker.
(Tue 15th Jan 2008, 21:02, More)
» Best Films Ever
Glengarry Glen Ross
"FUCK YOU, that's my name"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TROhlThs9qY
(Tue 22nd Jul 2008, 21:19, More)
Glengarry Glen Ross
"FUCK YOU, that's my name"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TROhlThs9qY
(Tue 22nd Jul 2008, 21:19, More)