b3ta.com user MonkeyOfCode
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for MonkeyOfCode:
Profile Info:

Guess I should write a little more about myself here really, but I'm not sure what yet...I'll have a think and get back to you!

Ah ha! I have finally found my old lurking account!! the ever eternal ralphy....if anyone is really interested, I'll list it here anyway so I don't forget and create yet another new account!

Feel free to gaz me, I'm always up for a chat.

Free Web Counter

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Too much information

Sub of the day?
Whilst sat in Subway having lunch with work colleagues.

Work Colleague: "How does that 6-inch monster taste?" (To my team leader)
Team Leader: "Pretty good, it doesn't taste of spunk."
Work Colleague: "and how do you know what spunk would taste like?"
Team Leader: "Well everyone gets bored and tastes their own."
(Sat 8th Sep 2007, 21:02, More)

» Voyeurism

First experience of voyeurism
Whilst meeting the ex-girlfriends friends for the first time down in Brighton, we were all out as a group having a drink on the beach front at about 11am in the morning. Now as a slightly annoying work habit I had at the time (I used to be a surveyor and would study any building in great detail, imagining how I would take an elevation) I happened to notice that on one of the top floor balconies of a rather large hotel overlooking the beach front there was a couple stark naked going for it ferociously with her bent over looking down at us.
“Get in” says I, with a nod towards the balcony. Everyone around the table looks up, but the most anyone else says is “ooh look at that” and they promptly go back to their conversation.
This to be honest left me a little bewildered as to how the others could shrug of a sight such as that so easily, I looked around at the other tables full of people drinking and noticed that pretty much everyone else there had noticed the couple as well as me and were grinning manically, great thinks I, I’m not the only pervert around here!
So I, along with the rest of the onlookers (everyone else in the vicinity except my table!) carry on watching, until of course the couple come to a rather impressive finish which is promptly greeted with a loud cheer from many of the onlookers, including myself, which promptly earned me a table full of scowls and a slap across the arm followed with a request from the ex for me to go and get another round of drinks with a suggestion of “perhaps you could think about growing up whilst your at the bar?!”
I really miss my ex and her friends...
(Fri 12th Oct 2007, 11:38, More)

» The B3TA Confessional

Forgive me father for I have sinned...
During my teenage years these guys almost became extinct.

(Fri 27th Aug 2010, 23:55, More)

» Faking it

I once had a bad case of the farts during a badminton match.

Each time a played a shot I'd fart violently and somewhat loudly....I told everyone I had squeeky trainers...think I got away with it.
(Thu 17th Jul 2008, 10:42, More)

» Faking it

chicken tickling
not me but a mate...

he has this fantastic chat up line, which also includes a hands on demonstration, (which surprisingly seems to work) that he is in fact a..........chickentickler. Sounds terrible, but with his gift of the gab he seems to pull it off, but not this one time.

So a group of us are out, including the above mentioned friend's wingman that he normally goes out pulling with (the wingman has also been known to try out the chickentickler line occasionally as well, but with less success).

Said friend spotted a lady that he wished to spend the night with and struck up conversation at the bar with her, as time goes on with their conversation it gets to the inevitable moment where the lady asks him what he does for a living, out comes the line...

"Oh I work in research with the farming community, chickens mainly at the moment, I'm trying to find better ways of producing eggs, but at the same time keeping the hens as comfortable as possible.......I'm basically a chickentickler at the moment.

"You're a what?!"

"A chickentickler, I help free range hens produce better eggs by tickling them, its fantastic!"


"Seriously! You should see the technique I use, it's amazing! In fact..."

(Proceeds to the hands on demonstration)

Unfortunately at the moment where he is leaning in to provide his tickling demonstration he looks across the bar and freezes.....there is his wingman in full view of himself and his potential pull for the night demonstrating how to tickle chickens on a woman.

In all honesty if he hadn't frozen and uttered the word "Bastard" he might have gotten away with it, but as soon as he did the lady he was with followed his line of sight and clued up instantly....crash and burn.
(Fri 11th Jul 2008, 11:35, More)
[read all their answers]