» Guilty Secrets

About 10 years ago
Our football team were having its usual monthly riotous night out.Myself and another player in the team,picked up what could loosely be termed as females and were invited back to one of their houses.

After a quick discussion on the pros and cons,(they were both a bit on the large side but a shag is a shag in the end) we decided to go back with them.

After having done the deed,taking ages to locate the hole among the layers of fat,I decided to go to sleep,so the thing beside me puts on her knickers and a t shirt and announces she is ready to sleep too.

I awoke in the early hours of the morning,feeling the worse for wear and dying for a piss,I had no idea where the toilet was and as it was a fairly big house,I couldn't be arsed wandering about looking for it.I must have drifted back to sleep because I awoke soon after and could feel myself just about to empty my bladder.

My 'conquest' was in a deep sleep next to me,facing me,so I turned towards her and pissed over the front of her massive pants and over her thighs and sheets.I shook her awake and said"Er,I think you have had an accident in your sleep" or words to that effect. She was totally mortified,she burst into tears and begged me not to say anything.I promised I wouldn't and she was that grateful,she gave me a blowjob before I left.

I still have no idea to this day what possessed me to do such a deed,I told one of mates about it a day or 2 after the event,instead of the expected reaction of him pissing himself laughing,he looked at me in complete disgust and said I was a dirty bastard.

I saw her a few weeks after it and she apologised profusely,I didn't feel any guilt whatsoever,as she kept saying sorry and asked me to go back to hers.

I'm not a bad person really,honest
(Fri 31st Aug 2007, 13:20, More)

» Cringe!

Pearoast from some time last year
About 10 years ago our football team was having its usual monthly riotous night out. Myself and another player in the team picked up what could loosely be termed as females and were invited back to one of their houses.

After a quick discussion on the pros and cons, (they were both a bit on the large side but a shag is a shag in the end) we decided to go back with them.

After having done the deed, taking ages to locate the hole among the layers of fat, I decided to go to sleep, so the thing beside me puts on her knickers and a t-shirt and announces she is ready to sleep too.

I awoke in the early hours of the morning, feeling the worse for wear and dying for a piss, I had no idea where the toilet was and as it was a fairly big house I couldn't be arsed wandering about looking for it. I must have drifted back to sleep because I awoke soon after and could feel myself just about to empty my bladder.

My 'conquest' was in a deep sleep next to me, facing me,so I turned towards her and pissed over the front of her massive pants and over her thighs and sheets. I shook her awake and said "Er,I think you have had an accident in your sleep" or words to that effect. She was totally mortified, she burst into tears and begged me not to say anything. I promised I wouldn't and she was that grateful, she gave me a blowjob before I left.

I still have no idea to this day what possessed me to do such a deed, I told one of mates about it a day or 2 after the event, instead of the expected reaction of him pissing himself laughing, he looked at me in complete disgust and said I was a dirty bastard.

I'm not the complete cunt you probably think I am, I have no idea why I did it, but thinking back to it makes me cringe like fuck.
(Wed 3rd Dec 2008, 10:06, More)

» Why I was late

Why I was late
This story is not about me,it concerns a young apprentice who I used to work with maybe 10-12 years ago.

Now,said person was not the brightest,constantly irritating our foreman with his sheer stupidity and incompetence.

One stormy morning,lashing rain,thunder and lightning,the young lad appears at about 10:30,after the storm has died down.

"Where the fuck have you been" demanded our exasperated foreman,

"My dad looked out of the window and said,only a fucking idiot would go out in that weather" came the reply

Cue disbelieving looks from eveyone in the work as the hapless youngster was hauled into the office for a final warning.

He didn't last much longer.
(Tue 3rd Jul 2007, 10:37, More)

» Kids

Little shits
Kroney's story below reminds me of a time about 7 or 8 years ago. We were playing football in Raploch (a rather rough estate in Stirling), there were a bunch of mutants aged between about 5-12 standing behind the goal I was in shouting the usual abuse.
Anyhoo, sometime during the second half, one of the little shits comes onto the pitch about 20 yards away from me, pulls down his trousers and proceeds to curl out a turd just by the corner flag. Disbelief soon gave way to hilarity as one of the home team subs yelled,

"Haw, fuck off ya wee bastard", and booted a ball at the youngster, it would have made my day if it had hit him, but unfortunately it narrowly flew by his head.


As for length, probably about 4 or 5 inches before someone pushed it off the pitch with a stick.
(Wed 23rd Apr 2008, 18:18, More)

» Mix Tapes

Mix tape from Hell
Back in early '92, I split with my then girlfriend after we had been together for about 2 years.She, unfortunately took it rather badly and proceeded to turn up wherever I went and just hang about. Come Valentine's Day the postman delivers a small parcel roughly about A4 size. I opened the parcel and there was a Valentines card from my ex, adorned with hearts and about a million kisses. There was also a cassette in a box with a note attached which read "Hope you listen to this and think of me and the good times we had together" What followed was a gruesome mix of hideous ballads from around that time, I can't remember them all, but the following ones were there.

Bryan Adams - Everything I Do.
Extreme - More Than Words
Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody
Diana Ross - When You Tell Me That You Love Me
Roxette - Spending My Time

....need I continue?

Did it make me remember the good times and go back to her? Not likely, I did what anyone would do and went out with her best friend.
(Mon 11th Feb 2008, 13:21, More)