b3ta.com user Woofie
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» Eccentrics

Was it him or was it me?
I'm still not quite sure who was the nuttier person in this situation, you decide.

Wiggly lines to simulate going back in time.

It was a Summer evening and I was traveling in a train, having just completed my 3rd year exams in University. You know what it's like when you've just gone through months of exams, your head is a bit wrecked. So there I was sitting at a table on a train with 4 other people. There was a teenage girl opposite me, next to her was "the nutter," and next to me was an older woman. The nutter starts to talk to the girl, wants to show her what he bought in the shops that day and starts to offer her chocolate. I have to say, that I felt for her. She was being very polite to the nutter as he rambled on, and all I could think was "thank God it's not me sitting next to him."

The evening sun was shining in through the train window, so I took out my sunglasses and put them on to stop the glare. Eventually, as the journey went on the other two women got off the train, so all that was left was me and the nutter. Well, as I was wearing sunglasses, I felt that I was quite safe to have a really good stare at the nutter without being detected. And in turn, he stared at me.

Time passed and it was nearing my stop, so I got myself together to exit the train. I pulled out my sunglasses case to put my sunglasses away and as I opened the case, there sitting in the case was one of the lenses.

Yes, I had been sitting there staring at a nutter with only one lens in my sunglasses.

To this day, I don't know why my brain didn't register that I only had one lens in. All I can think, is that I was tired, and that the sun was only hitting the eye with the lens in. I have to wonder though, is there a nutter out there telling the same story...only I'm the nutter.
(Thu 30th Oct 2008, 19:51, More)

» Conversation Killers

Dinner party snobbery.
When I was young and first married, my then husband and myself were invited to a dinner party. The host and hostess were fine, but the other couple were stuck-up pains in the rear. They had been everywhere, done everything, and did a good job of making the rest of us feel inadequate. The discussion turned to the antiques this couple owned, and in particular to an antique globe-of-the-world they'd recently purchased. The wife went on at length about the globe, where she had bought it, how much she paid for it and what a wonderful addition it made to their lovely dinning room. At this point I was pretty much sick of their bragging and decided to add a few comments of my own. "Well we have an antique globe too, " I said. "In fact, it's so old..it's flat."

Well that shut her up!
(Fri 13th May 2011, 21:01, More)

» "You're doing it wrong"

I thought they were wrong. Tale of two sweeties.
I love Dolly Mixtures. They are my favourite sweets from childhood to adulthood, even though they are not very good for you. I now live in the US, where you can't buy Dolly Mixtures. So, when I return home to England I always buy a big bag which I try to make last as long as I can. Now, being a savvy sweetie buyer, I know that there are poor imitation Dolly Mixtures out there, so I'm really careful about the ones I buy; 'cos if I get it wrong I can't just pop around the shops and get a new supply.

I had a holiday back in England and bought my big bag of Dolly Mixtures back with me. I then hid them and promptly forgot about them. A month went by and I suddenly remembered my sweetie hoard. So off I went to have a quick scoff, but oh boy was I disappointed. I thought they were perfect Dolly Mixtures....but I was wrong! These sweetie impostors contained no jellys; not one in the whole big bag.

I was so disgusted, I just couldn't eat any of them. So I marched out to my husband, bag of Dolly Mixtures in hand, and explained my disgust at being so cruelly duped. I then told him he could eat them because they weren't real. My husband went quiet and then looked really guilty. He then explained that he had found my hidden stash and had picked out, and eaten, every single jelly. This was a big bag, it must have taken him ages! Wrong on so many levels.
(Wed 21st Jul 2010, 19:50, More)

» Greed

Chocolate cake.
This is not my story, but it makes me smile because it involves dieting and chocolate cake. So there she is, a stay-at-home Mum on a diet. She knows that there is half a chocolate cake in the cake tin, she also knows that she shouldn't eat any of it. Eventually, the temptation becomes too much and she eats some of the cake, which tastes wonderful! However, there is now a big slice missing from the cake, so her family will know that she has broken her diet. In order to hide her guilt, she needs to produce half a chocolate cake. So what does she do? She eats the rest of the chocolate cake. Then she bakes a whole new chocolate cake and eats half of that too. I'm not sure that this counts as greedy, I think it's more like "creative eating" and a lot of guilt.
(Thu 14th Apr 2011, 21:33, More)

» Family codes and rituals

Like most of you here, as young'uns, my sister and I were dragged off to town every Saturday for the weekly family shopping outing. Mostly, we hated it. The highlight though, was when Dad used to try on woman's hats in BHS. My mum was always mortified, but we thought it was great.
(Tue 25th Nov 2008, 20:43, More)
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