» Accidental animal cruelty

A guy at school
who was in the special classes once told me that he got a swan caught on his fishing line, so to put it out of it's misery, he reeled it in with some difficulty, before trying to drown it.

He didn't know how strong swans were, and seemed to forget the fact that they are quite used to being under water.

Phase two of the mercy killing saw him make the enlightened decision to, perhaps in homage to some cartoon he'd unfortunately been exposed to, attempt to tie it's neck in a knot.

It took a long time to die, and ended up being kicked around the river bank in desperation.

So it was kind of accidental, in that it was supposed to be a mercy killing, when in actual fact it probably wasn't in a great deal of pain to begin with.
(Tue 11th Dec 2007, 13:49, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

My friend had a very sleepy cat...
..so sleepy you could do what you want in the room without it even stirring. Best way to utilise this gift? Buckaroo of course!!! Hours of fun.
Not really hours, it wasn't comatose. A few minutes tops.
Not really that cruel either.
(Mon 10th Dec 2007, 22:41, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Cranefly Battles
Not the fairest of battles though.

Round 1: My friends cat Vs craneflies
My friend had a cat that was literally unable to do anything untill it killed any cranefly unlucky enough to cross her line of vision. After a lengthy Perfect Dark Session, we noted that Prudence's persistance resembled the Lock-On qualities of the MagSec 4 gun in said game. Excitedly we gave Prudence the Tomkaneese cat the gift of flight, and held her aloft so that she could take out craneflies mid-air that previously would have evaded her and sent her into a state of frustrated aggression for the rest of the night.

Round 2:Battle of Britain
Two friends of mine, both rugger chaps and attending a private school at the time, relayed the benefits of a privately funded education by regularly staging Battle of Britain memorial displays in the classroom. This involved either side collecting a "fleet" of craneflies, relieving them of their legs, drawing swatstikas/union jacks (delete as appropriate) on their wings with various implements, and then engaging them in battle by throwing them at eachother paper-airplane - stylee. Apparently they had just enough strength to flutter into oneanother before clumsily crashing to their deaths.
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 12:14, More)

» Pathological Liars

A very good friend of mine...
... is a compulsive liar. Nothing major, just little things regarding the people he knows, in what appears to be an attempt to make his life into some kind of sitcom. And he's generally very good at it. Most are insider jokes, but here are some more universally appreciable ones:

He's autistic "Sorry about that, but I don't know the difference between right and wrong"

He's a Messianic Jew - lie, but nearly got himself the presidency of the uni Jewish Society

Actually convinced someone that one of his housemates, after an argument about cleaning, had organised a "Cleanliness-Rocks" music marathon at the uni aimed at promoting student health and safety featuring such Rock-Lite bands as Nickleback and Creed, and that if it was a success, 2008 could see Rules and Manners-Rock

Almost unbelievably though, it's this incrimental bullshitting which has allowed him to forge a part time career as a BBC journalist and become a lowly but successful stand-up poet. This has allowed him to recall genuine anecdotes, such as offering Nicola Roberts a cake with her name on it whilst drinking with Cheryl Cole which she refused, or taking a piss at a conference centre next to a former British prime minister, making it very clear that he WAS looking at his penis before exclaiming "Jesus Christ! You're John Major!" To which the former PM replied "Yes, I am." Problem is we have a boy-who-cried-wolf situation here, but none-the-less, he now makes a living from it...
(Mon 3rd Dec 2007, 14:50, More)