» Political Correctness Gone Mad

Bloody buses
I ended up waiting for an hour once for a crappy bus to take me to work. Whilst waiting, I struck up a conversation with a guy called Andy, who was in a wheelchair, after he asked me for a fag. When the bus arrived, there was all the too-ing and fro-ing whilst the bus driver lowered the ramp and moved people from the wheelchair zone (a chav mum took great offence to this, daft cow) and helped Andy get settled. Pulling down the safety bar, he explained it was to stop Andy from slipping about and falling off. 'Jesus' Andy said 'I'd hate to do that, I might end up in a wheelchair!' Cue the entire bus going silent with shock whilst Andy and I pissed ourselves laughing.

God bless Andy, you're a fucking star.
(Sun 25th Nov 2007, 23:03, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Ahh, the mother
My mum, on the other hand, is different from my dad. My mum is a very strong person, and my dad, very weak. So when they married, it probably wasn't going to last. When she started having an affair with my primary school teachers husband, he turned a blind eye. When she became a raging alki, same thing. Mum beating the living arse off of me? Did he notice? Did he fcuk! He did what any chickenshit would do and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. At 7, I learned to cook, clean, lie and lob bottles over the railway line so no one found them.

I would wake my brother in the morning, get him dressed, washed and fed, make his lunch, then take him to school. I would then walk home, make sure mum hadn't choked to death on her own vomit and then clean the house. When she woke up, make her happy then collect brother, make his tea, sort him out for the night and then put him to bed. I would be awake as long as my mum, get my beating, clean up her shit, piss and vomit, put her to bed then sleep in my brothers bed with him, so that if she was prone to a night rage, she'd get me instead of him.

It took my grandmother to persuade my dad to rescue us. He took my brother and set up a home for them, leaving me with a highly Christian nana.

My mum cleaned her act up by being sectioned before entering rehab. I love her to pieces and she's my best friend but she's still a mental old bitch in her way!

When I did start living with my dad a few years later (around 11), I continued to raise my brother, ensuring he had food to eat, clean clothes and went to school as my dad had let things slip. The thing is, being a big sister is the best thing ever and I got (and still do) to be there for my brother in loads of ways. Bullies at school? No problem Little Bro, I'll get the lads and sort it out! Girlfriend cheated on you? Where's my crowbar, I'm breaking knees tonight! He's 17 now, a stay at home with no job but I honestly believe I've done the best I can in the circumstances, and I'm still trying today. Hear that dad? Now THAT is fucking parenting!! Not fucking off for weeks at a time to watch football, leaving no food, money or the lecky key. Not pissing off with your secret girlfriend. Not ignoring things and hoping they'll go away. Not letting him take drugs, or skive, or drink till he's comatose, and making me be the bad guy all the time.

I'm not worried about ending up like my parents, because I raised myself, and my brother, and I did a pretty shithot job!
(Tue 21st Aug 2007, 2:20, More)

» I witnessed a crime

Hmmm
I've seen drugs been sold, travelled in stolen cars whilst being tailed by the police and been the victim of numerous crimes myself, including assault and rape.

I was with a vicious ex boyfriend once who proceeded to beat the living arse off of me outside Aldi (all class that boy) which many people witnessed, and did nothing to help. Luckily, after being beaten, strangled and pinned against a fence, a security guard came to my rescue. All he did was stand far away and shout until Ex left me be. Security guard didn't even bother to check if I was ok afterwards. Stupid non involving public :D

I also once witnessed a girl being beaten by her bloke, and jumped in there to break it up. I remember screaming at him to feck off and pick on someone his own size, and pushing him. I still think about it and laugh, all 5ft 4 blondness of me, tottering in on my high heels telling him to 'come and have a go if you think you're hard enough'. The girl turned out to be great company and we sat by the road, drinking vodka out of the bottle at 1am until we eventually stumbled off in different directions.
(Thu 14th Feb 2008, 12:17, More)

» Siblings

I have a little brother
Who is rarely called for in his given name, but mainly in the nicknames I have bestowed upon him over the years. Nicknames such as Tinkerbell. I also introduce him to people as a 'practising homosexual', even though he is completely straight.

As a big sister, I see it as my duty to ensure he is generally teased at all opportunites, and I am still extremely proud of the wind up that happened a few years ago. Now when Little Brother was a tiny baby, he had a hernia removed leaving a small scar. As it happened when he was tiny, he doesn't remember anything about it, and one day he came to me and asked about the small scar, which is above his 'pubic area'. 'Ahhh', I replied, 'I don't think I should be the one to tell you. This is something you need to talk about with the Mother'. 'No, tell me' he asked. This went on for quite a while, until I finally 'gave in' and revealed the big truth. 'There were some, uh, abnormalities when you born', spoke I to the brother. 'Some parts that you were not meant to have. Ovaries in fact. Mum and Dad thought it was better you had them removed as a baby, then growing up that way.' His little face crumbled. 'What?!' he cried, before rushing off and hiding in his room for a while. When he reappeared, he was still quite upset so I ended up telling him the truth about his hernia scar. The look of relief on his face was beautiful.

Best wind-up ever.
(Fri 26th Dec 2008, 22:13, More)

» Why should you be fired from your job?

I just did
Well, not fired. I dunno what just happened. I started as a volunteer, a sort of guinea pig for my boss who needed to boss someone around for a course. Her admin assistant then decided to have a heart attack right in the office, leaving me being drafted in as a temp to cover whilst he recovered. During this, my boss decided she wanted me to work there permanently and nagged her boss to create a position for me, which he did, but company policy dictates it must be advertised. This job was promised to me by both my boss, and my boss's boss. 'It's just a formality, don't worry'.

I didn't even get an interview. Apparently I didn't have enough 'points' (read: disabilities) and I leave in two weeks.

I got so pissed off I tried to quit today but have been threatened by my boss that if I leave, I'll get a bad reference. If I stay and misbehave (had my first complaint about me today, woo hoo!), I'll get a bad reference.

In short, I'm fucked.

Did I mention I work for a well known charity?
(Thu 9th Aug 2007, 18:56, More)