b3ta.com user Varmint
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Ye olde repost

(Mon 11th Nov 2019, 11:12, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Morning After Souvenirs

Rotten hangover the next day as expected,
after a very drunken night ending in a good and proper night of raunchy sexy time with a woman I'd fancied for a while. The headache was to be expected, but what I couldn't understand was the slight buzz in my head. Jumping in the shower I found that somehow during the night of passion her nicotine patch had become attached to me, and being a non-smoker I was getting a full dose of an extra strong nicotine patch. Meanwhile, she was equally badly hung over and craving a fag something rotten.
(Thu 26th Apr 2012, 20:22, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

Where milk comes from.
Many years ago I worked at Croxteth Country Park, on the edge of Liverpool. Within the park was the old Home Farm which was open to the public, and schools would have guided tours. One such local school got the full tour which included seeing the calves being fed milk from buckets, and then some calves suckling from their mothers. Elsewhere on the tour was the milking parlour where by a system of vacuum pipes milk was sucked from the cows' udders and collected in large glass vessels.

One local scally put two and two together i.e. calves sucking milk from udders and the milking machine. He remarked "Dat's clever dat is la. They used that machine to put milk into the big cows so the baby cows can drink the milk".

Other frequent ignorance included the a complete lack of understanding that meat came from animals, and not Tesco. Sad really.
(Thu 18th Mar 2010, 17:13, More)

» Brain Fade

I had a printed copy of my work calendar stuck on the wall to the right of my monitor. For several minutes I tried in vain to move the cursor off my monitor and on to the printed copy so I could click on it and make a new appointment. I assumed it was a fault with the computer, so switched it off and on again, only then did I realise my stupidity.
(Thu 21st Mar 2013, 13:31, More)

» LOL Bigots

Shoe polish
Mrs Catapult is American, and despite developing some Yorkshire pronunciation over the past ten years, is still very obviously American when she speaks. She had several pairs of shoes which needed a really decent polish and tidy up, and in New York the local cobbler will do that. So, she potters into town to the cobbler, and asks in her cheery american accent if the cobbler could polish three pairs of shoes. "You're not in America now love, we don't have niggers to do that". Gobsmacked she turned and left, her jaw on the floor all the way home, and for the first time ever completely speechless.
(Thu 21st Feb 2013, 21:59, More)

» Stories of unsurpassed brilliance

Tropical fish shop
I asked for six feet of air tubing, and was told they only sold it by the yard.
(Tue 22nd Nov 2016, 12:35, More)
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