» * PFFT *

Where to begin...
It's a good thing I'm a girl, what with girls not breaking wind or experiencing arousal or performing other grotesque bodily functions, otherwise I might have done something like...

The time my best friend and I decided to compete for the love of a young man by having a fart fight. In front of him. And I won because my friend just couldn't compete with my level of long, bass, sofa-vibrating rumbles. As I positioned myself to KO her with a direct blow to the head she tried to defend herself by shoving a pillow up to my arse. She felt both the vibration, and the wind of my passage through the pillow, and I was victorious. Never did get the guy, though... wonder why.

Also, slightly off-topic, but I also hold a record for the scariest shits my other half has ever seen. They're just a bit big, really, but recently when I was unwell they compacted into terrifying proportions. About 6 inches long, 2 inches + wide and SOLID. Bloody painful; I had to press down on the edge of my arsehole to help them through because I simply couldn't stretch any more. Then a particularly nutty one (which stung like buggery and took me 30 min to push out) tore me open inside and I pooped blood for 3 days...

So it's a good thing I'm a sweet, feminine, girly creature whose fragile body doesn't produce such disgusting bodily waste.
(Tue 17th Jul 2007, 21:21, More)

» Stupid Dares

When I was in my teens...
Once dared a mate to snort lines of sugar in school... except we'd replaced one of them with salt.

He didn't talk to me for 2 days...
(Thu 1st Nov 2007, 19:18, More)

» Council Cunts

mmm... poverty.
Mr Mazonas and I have been together for almost 5 years. When we met, I was a 19 year old uni student and he was, 21, having been homeless since he was about 18-19.

When we first moved in together, we were living off of my part-time wages and my tuition fees. Mr Mazonas was looking for work, but without success.

We were told that we weren't applicable for council tax benefit, because Mr Mazonas wasn't a student. We could only get Housing Benefit if Mr Mazonas was on Jobseekers. Mr Mazonas wasn't eligible for Jobseekers because I was a student. Even though we had only been living together a couple of months and weren't, technically, classed as a couple, we were treated as one when trying to claim.

When I finally gave in and quit my studies and got a full time job, we tried again. We couldn't get Council Tax benefit or Housing benefit unless Mr Mazonas was on Jobseekers, even though we were on a low income. Mr Mazonas STILL couldn't get Jobseekers. Why? Because he'd been made homeless so long he hadn't had much work before then, so his NI contributions were too low for him to claim anything. I couldn't apply for Council Tax or Jobseekers benefit myself, because by now we were classed as a couple.

Once my other half started lying about his past on job applications he quickly got some minimum wage factory work. Now we can claim for Council Tax and Housing Benefit, because we're both on a low income. We don't actually need it any more, though, but we're claiming it any way, because the council have been getting £90 a month off of me for the last 4 years that by rights we shouldn't have had to pay. The c@nts.
(Sun 29th Jul 2007, 17:29, More)

» * PFFT *

The "other" hole
For any of you who don't know, the more time you spend playing with a woman's pussy during foreplay, and the longer you carry on for, the more moist, lubricated and loosened her pussy will get. Also, a small amount of air can get in there.

Also, internally speaking the anus and vagina are really close together, and when something is inserted into one of them, it exerts pressure on the other.

So be very careful the next time you decide, midway into lovely marathon session, that you want to cum in her arse.

The last time we did I fanny farted with each passionate, final thrust. We had to stop in the end, because we were both giggling too much and couldn't carry on.
(Wed 18th Jul 2007, 22:53, More)