b3ta.com user zauron
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» Terrible Parenting

What a tool
My dad once tried to score some weed off me. Nothing wrong with that, except that in doing so he used the phrase "jazz cigarette" with a straight face. What a tool.
(Sat 18th Aug 2007, 13:45, More)

» Pathological Liars

When I was 7 or 8 I went to play at my friend David's house. I knocked on the door and his mum let me in.

She called "David" up the stairs, not mentioning what she wanted. Before she had a chance to speak and before he saw me he blustered "but I didn't touch the video!"

His mum made me go home again while she considered his punishment; the video was fucked.
(Sat 1st Dec 2007, 17:59, More)

» Puns

A friend once asked my dad why he liked Haydn. He half-crouched, in a pose he later identified as representing "sneaky," and replied: "because I don't like to be seen."
(Sat 7th Mar 2009, 18:52, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Rabbit abuse
When I was 5 or 6 I was on a family day out to a local castle. Apparently without provocation and with what I perceived to be a murderous look in his eyes, my dad lunged off the path and callously beat a rabbit to death with a big stick. I was mortified.

Looking back, a third party would have noticed that the rabbit had been mortally injured by a fox (or something) and that this was actually a very humane act. I still think he's a closet psycho.
(Sat 18th Aug 2007, 12:23, More)