b3ta.com user Inspiratio
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» Family Holidays

I met...
a delightful lass by the name of Olga (it's OK, you can laugh) when on my last holiday with the parents about 5 years ago. She was Russian and spoke about 5 words more English than I do Russian. I don't speak Russian. Long story short we ended up back in my room (shared with the parents) where we set about relieving me of my innocence. Luckily I had the only key, which meant when my mum did come back as had to happen she knocked on the door, for fully 3 minutes while I finished up (it was my first time!) got dressed and flicked on the TV. So when she came in Olga the Russian was sat on the bed looking flushed watching Spanish Family Fortunes.

I don't reckon she suspected a thing!

I'd like to put a length joke in but it was really short...
(Fri 3rd Aug 2007, 12:44, More)

» Council Cunts

I have a series of letters...
... in my documents labelled 'council cnuts' from my insane dealings with Manchester City Council - I'll condense (because everybody loves a numbered list):

1. I leave a bin bag next to my wheelie bin.
2. Street Wardens (does anywhere else have these pointless wasters?!) rip open the bin bag and find a letter with my name on and one with my housemate's name - serve us with identical £50 fixed penalties.
3. We refuse and appeal.
4. They cancel his, mine stands.
5. I go to court and get a solicitor (on legal aid, what a nifty idea that is!).
6. After 3 preliminary hearings and a cancelled court date because their key witness (the cnut who served me the notice) was on his honeymoon they dropped the case due to insufficient evidence.

This took 9 months.
I was about a week away from going insane/postal.
I HATE the council.
I now shred all my junk mail.

Apologies for length - I'm new!
(Wed 1st Aug 2007, 19:00, More)