b3ta.com user Foulkesy123
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18 years old from the shit-hole that is Bromsgrove but going to Uni in Leicester

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» Too much information

the Gollum incident
Luckily i wasnt there to witness this but anyway...

Every year our 6th form has a chirstmas show where the 6th formers and teachers put on various sketeches, etc to perform to the year 11's and the other 6th formers. Our head of 6th form usually does a sketch with another teacher. One year he happened to play gollum from Lord of the Rings.

Gollum only wears a thong in the film. You can see already where this is leading.

Mr Clemments came on stage dressed in only a thong. Mr Clemments must be in his late 40's/ early 50'. He started to scrabble around on stage when suddenly out pops his "Smeagol" in front of three entire year groups. Needless to say they got an early christmas present the equiviliant of Santa shitting down the chimney. I think that seeing your teachers cock counts as too much info, dont you?

Length? as long as Mr Clemments's ;)
(Mon 10th Sep 2007, 20:07, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

lets finish this joke once and for all...
My worst record...

is managing to answer a QOTW 218 weeks late
(Thu 29th May 2008, 16:35, More)

» Evil Pranks

my teacher told me...
... that one night after a stag do, they handcuffed to very drunken husband-to-be to lampost and left him there overnight.

They came back the next morning to uncuff him and they came back to find him crying.

When asked why it turns out that at he had been raped.

pretty harsh, but i did burst out laughing when he told me...
(Sat 15th Dec 2007, 16:22, More)

» Council Cunts

ring ring...ring ring...
... ... ... Thank you for ringing the Bromsgrove District Council. Opening times 12.55pm until 2.05 pm weekdays. Lunch hour 1.00pm until 2.00pm.

We are sorry that we are not in at the moment but please leave a message and we will listen to it wth great interest before either completely ignoring it or taking your view into account and then doing the exact opposite. It is these decisions that have helped to bring the council into the special measures that it is in today.

If you would like to hear Julie Kirkbride talk out of her ass about how she will make this district great please press 1 and we will forward you through to the Bromsgrove Conservative office.

If you wish to complain about our piss poor attempt to sort out the refuse collection and the inconvinient times in which we collect the bins, please press 2

To talk about the huge amount of council tax you pay and the miniscule amount we actually spend on public servives press 3

If you would like to make a donation that will most likely go towards the much deserved, invitation only Christmas party that we hold every year then press 4 but please do not expect to be invited unless your annual household income is over £60,000 a year; we are conservatives and we don't mix with the likes of peasants.

For any other service that you may require from the council press 5 and you will be redirceted to the speaking clock. Well, lets face it, that will give you more information about politics than we ever could.

If you do not require any of these services then please feel free to e-mail us at [email protected] where we will take your e-mail into account before pretending that our network has gone down and we never recieved it.

Thank you for calling Bromsgrove district and please feel free never to call again
(Tue 31st Jul 2007, 11:27, More)

» Advice from Old People

can't remember who told me this but...
"worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere"

I've heard loads of weird sayings and stuff throughout my life but this is the one that has really stuck with me and becuase of it i don't tend to worry too much about things.

(Sat 21st Jun 2008, 17:45, More)
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