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Easter tat competition
Back when I was just a nipper in primary school, a competition was held one year to design and build an Easter-themed object, with the rather unimaginative top prize being an Easter egg. Over the course of a weekend I built the ultimate entry - a rather impressively large remote control egg! This consisted of a remote controlled car inside a papier mache shell in the shape of a large egg. Several layers of soggy newspaper and a couple of layers of gold paint later, and I was ready to win. It was brilliant!

I took it to school on Monday morning, and for the rest of the day I eagerly awaited the announcement of the winning entries at afternoon assembly. I remember it as if it were yesterday. The whole school was in the main hall, and already a fair number of classmates had indicated that my entry was by far the greatest. I still feel sore about what came next.

The top prizes were awarded in reverse order. The headmaster stood up right at the front of the hall and bellowed out about the high standard of entries, and how difficult it had been to pick the winners. He continued:

"Third place - Goldbringer! For his golden egg!"

Its not a golden egg you pillock, its a bloody remote controlled egg! Surely you noticed that! I was distraught. I sacrificed a perfectly decent toy for third place and a packet of chocolate buttons.

To make matters worse, my elder brother took first place for his entry - the F-Egg Cup - basically a large papier mache (copied from me, obviously) silver egg with cardboard handles, supposedly looking like the FA cup trophy. Second place went to one of my friends for a ridiculous painted chicken egg in eggcup called Ugo Egg-hiogu - named after the footballer at nearby Aston Villa. Thinking back, this may have been where it all went tits-up...
(Mon 17th Aug 2009, 23:12, More)