b3ta.com user ubergeekian
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» Annoying Partners

If your partner is a bit on the wobbly side ...
... never, ever, ever wedge your arse up to one of her buttocks while she's sleeping and use it as a resonator for a good, juicy, ripping fart. The sound is deeply rewarding but you'll find just how quickly someone can go from "peacefully sleeping" to "dementedly homicidal". And it's bloody difficult to dodge when you're laughing as much as I was.
(Thu 4th Aug 2011, 15:47, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Happy Landings
In the bar of a gliding club which had better remain nameless, the talk turned, as it does, to parachuting cats. Being practical people, there was only one way to settle the matter. A small parachute and harness were made and the clubhouse cat lured out with a sardine.

Strapped in. Taken to the balcony of the WWII airfield control tower which served as clubhouse. Thrown off.

Wheeeee. The parachute worked perfectly and the cat didn't seem to mind the experience too much. In fact, he liked it so much that he came trotting back up the stairs, trailing the parachute and asked, as cats can, to be thrown off again.

This got to be quite a regular event, and the cat would eventually thrown itself off the balcony for the fun of floating to the ground.

Until the sad day when someone left the window open and the cat, siezing the chance, sneaked out and jumped. The parachute, alas, was still in the cupboard ...
(Thu 6th Dec 2007, 15:02, More)

» Tramps

Some years ago I was walking with a friend through Bath. A rather wild looking young man came up to us and seemed about to speak. I flinched and moved away.

Then in a gentle, sweet and desperately sad voice he said ... "Please don't be scared."

And you know, I was scared. Scared and, when he pointed it out, bloody ashamed. I gave him every penny I had on me, and I've never forgotten him.

Don't be scared. They're people.
(Fri 3rd Jul 2009, 17:20, More)

» Tightwads

Snapped not an hour ago at the Dumfries branch of Lidl

Don't all rush now, will you?
(Wed 29th Oct 2008, 14:36, More)

» The B3ta Cookbook

Magic Recipe

Long grass
Pine nuts
Olive oil


Thresh the grass and throw the seeds away. Put the stalks in a low oven to dry them thoroughly. While that's happening, crush the garlic, chop the basil and pine nuts put them in a jar with the olive oil, screw down the lid and shake well.

Take the grass out of the oven and arrange on a serving plate. Drizzle over the sauce. And ...

Hay Pesto!
(Sat 30th Jun 2012, 19:08, More)
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